Archive for June, 2005

Christmas in June

More new stuff!
Rebel Trucker: Cajun Blood MoneyRebel Trucker: Cajun Blood Money (PC)

Rebel Trucker is, according to the GameSpot review, a “… huge mess of a game that is riddled with grievous bugs, badly designed in every measurable capacity, and completely lacking in any conceivable dimension of fun.” GameSpot rates it a 1.8: abysmal. I picked it up for $6.98 from Half Price Books because I have an unexplainable compulsion to drive big rigs in video games. I should probably be ashamed of myself.

Iron MonkeyIron Monkey (Siunin Wong Fei-hung tsi titmalau) (DVD/1993)

Iron Monkey is a very fun movie with a Robin Hood hero and some excellent wire-fu. The action is a cross between The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This is the U.S. version (presented by Quentin Tarantino), which is rumored to be superior to the original release in some respects, yet inferior in others. I was surprised to find it at Half Price Books for the low, low price of $4.98. Worth every penny.

Star Wars: Rebel StormStar Wars Miniatures: Rebel Storm starter set

This one was a gift from co-worker Chuck (AKA gator). It’s an assortment of miniature Star Wars figures and rules for engaging them in skirmishes. The set also includes maps and blank grids, and the figures can be used with the Star Wars roleplaying game. This last will likely come in handy when my Star Wars role-playing group starts getting together this summer. Thanks, Chuck!

Shark Academy 5: Police Frenzy

I watched a couple of movies last night while Laura was at her church council meeting. It was a long meeting. She didn’t get home until 11:00.

First up, the SciFi original, Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy, starring Jeffrey (Re-Animator) Combs, William (Career Opportunities) Forsythe and Hunter (The Bold and the Beautiful) Tylo. It was no Alien Apocalypse (for which I am thankful), but that’s about the nicest thing I can say about it.

William Forsythe has been in a lot of movies — heck, he was in the epic gangster flick, Once Upon a Time in America — but he’s not exactly leading man material. He doesn’t have the physique for action, nor the personality for romance. He’s a pretty good tough guy, gruff goon type, but I certainly don’t buy him as the head of I.T. for a major pharmaceutical company. Sorry. (Side note: Mister Forsythe’s headshot on IMDb is very flattering. Makes him look like a young, badass Robert Duvall.)

The real star of Hammerhead (apart from the shark-human hybrid, I suppose) is Jeffrey Combs, anyway. He plays a mad scientist. He always plays a mad scientist. Combs’ Dr. King has found a way to cure cancer using shark stem cells (controversial!), but with horrific results: the patient becomes more shark than human. The bad doctor is searching for a way to bring back the patient’s humanity, as well as create viable offspring that will be the next step in human evolution. This involves stripping fairly attractive women down to their underthings and tossing them in a greenhouse with the manshark. Oh, did I mention that Dr. King’s hybrid is amphibious? That’s right, manshark is also a landshark, at home in the water but able to run through the jungle to kill pretty girls and machine gun-wielding goons.

The death toll is pretty high, as the manshark has quite the appetite. He even eats a couple of swimmers during Dr. King’s luau on the beach. Where these swimmers came from and why no one seems to notice that they’re missing is anyone’s guess. Numerous blood-soaked chunky bits and a couple of exploding helicopters later, Dr. King unsuccessfully attempts to get the manshark to mate with Hunter Tylo, gets his arm bitten off by his own abominable creation, and is shot in the back by William Forsythe. This is pretty standard for Jeffrey Combs.

Hammerhead is typical fare for the SciFi Channel. If it crawls, swims, slithers or flies and is remotely creepy, SciFi has mutated it and sicced it on the populace. Giant snakes and lizards, swarms of bees and other insects, spiders, and even the chupacabra have been featured in recent SciFi productions. Just tune in on any Saturday afternoon and you’ll see what I mean. If it weren’t for the Stargate series (coming soon: Stargate Miami) and Battlestar Galactica, there wouldn’t actually be any science-fiction on the SciFi Channel.

Ah, but I’m high atop my soapbox again. Best climb down and get back on track. Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy is certainly not a good movie, but it was at least mildly entertaining. The manshark looked nifty in his tank (where he was computer-generated), but not very nifty in the choppy, frenetic glimpses of him roaming about on land. Even worse were the ridiculous close-ups of his eye as he watched his hapless prey stumble through the jungle. The victims characters ranged from generic (the millionaire’s pretty, vapid girlfriend and the mad scientist’s hunched over, servile assistant) to unbelieveable (I’m telling you, there’s no way Forsythe’s character is in I.T.) and the story was predictable, with just the right number of inconsistencies to keep it amusing.

Later, while cooking a bit of a late dinner, I happened across Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach. I… don’t know why I watched it. I plead temporary insanity.

In terms of number of sequels, Police Academy franchise sits somewhere between Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (5 sequels) and Star Trek: The Motion Picture (8 sequels).

The most recent, Mission to Moscow, was released in 1994. According to IMDb, we haven’t seen the last of Bubba Smith and Michael Winslow. There’s a new Police Academy movie in the works, slated for release next year. This as-yet untitled movie will be the seventh sequel in the series, and is apparently being directed by Hugh Wilson, who directed the original Police Academy but none of its sequels. No word as to whether Commandant Lassard (George Gaynes), who has been in every installment to date, will be returning. As Mister Gaynes is currently 88 years old, I’d say the chances are fairly slim. (A very, very interesting side note for every Suomi poika and tyttö who might be reading this: George Gaynes was born in Helsinki, Finland.)

More than anything about the Police Academy series, I remember Leslie Easterbrook’s enormous breasts the theme song. In high school band, I eschewed scales as my warmup, opting instead to bring my trombone to temperature with the Police Academy theme. I couldn’t quote lines from the movies or remember much of the “plots,” but I could certainly play the opening bars of that theme song on the trombone.

So, maybe it was the theme song that snared me. Yeah, that’s it.

Movie Review: Batman Begins

Batman Begins (DVD)Batman Begins (2005)

Starring Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson , Linus Roache, Ken Watanabe and Roy Batty

Directed by Christopher Nolan
In 1997, Joel Schumacher pounded the last nail into the coffin of the Batman franchise. When compared with Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman, Schumacher’s Batman & Robin is an outright travesty; the grisly demise of a series that had been on a steady decline since its first sequel in 1992.

What went wrong? Well, Jack Nicholson’s scene-stealing turn as the Joker set the tone for the series. The villains became more important than the caped crusader himself. The villains were cast, it seemed, solely based on how they were performing at the box office. Danny Devito and Michelle Pfeiffer (Penguin and Catwoman) in Batman Returns were followed by Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey as Two-Face and The Riddler, respectively. The portrayal of Two-Face was dreadful, but the final insult was Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mister Freeze in Batman & Robin, a performance that was more campy than anything offered by the 1966 version of the dynamic duo or their cadre of villains in Batman: The Movie.

Also, each installment expanded on the quirky visual style of Batman until the costumes, sets and vehicles looked patently outlandish. The batsuit worn by Michael Keaton in 1989 was revolutionary, marking a departure from the image of superheroes as grown men running around in tights. Unfortunately, by the time George Clooney donned the cape and cowl in 1997, the costume had become something worse than tights. Batman and Robin (Chris O’Donnell) had rubber nipples on their body-armored chests. The batsuit — and the entire Batman franchise — had become a joke.

Now, eight years later, the Batman franchise has been resurrected with Batman Begins. The Burton/Schumacher Batman is nowhere to be found here. The batsuit has been completely retailored and the Batmobile traded in for something with a little more urban commando chic. From top to bottom, Batman has gotten a much needed makeover.

(Minor spoilers follow…)
In terms of coffee, the 1960’s Batman is a skim milk vanilla latté with a shot of raspberry syrup. Tim Burton and Michael Keaton’s first outing in 1989 is a light roast with half-and-half and two sugars. Batman Returns is the same cup of coffee with a little more half-and-half and three sugars. By the time Val Kilmer dons the utility belt, the franchise has switched to decaf.

Batman Begins is dark roast served black. No cream. No sugar.

For the first time, Batman is truly the Dark Knight found in the comic books and graphic novels. Director Christopher Nolan lets Batman (Christian Bale) be dark, and does so without apology or counterpoint. The villains aren’t madcap clowns in colorful costumes, they’re as dark and disturbed as the hero himself. Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy), for example, is a doctor who dons a burlap mask when he conducts experiments with hallucinogenic drugs on his patients. A guy like that, to paraphrase Bruce Wayne, has issues.

Since Batman Begins is an origin story, there’s a good deal of build up to the final reveal. Thankfully, Nolan doesn’t let the story of how and why Bruce Wayne becomes the Batman get boring (for an example of the wrong way to do this, see Ang Lee’s Hulk). In fact, Bruce Wayne’s training under the tutelage of Ducard (Liam Neeson) and Ra’s Al Ghul’s (Ken Watanabe) Order of the Shadow not only keeps the story interesting, it provides an excellent crescendo to the Dark Knight’s debut in Gotham.

Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham intending to finish the work his father began: healing a corrupt Gotham. Unfortunately, in the twenty years since Thomas and Martha Wayne were gunned down in an alley, Gotham has been steadily spiralling into chaos. Organized crime is rampant and corruption has all but taken over the justice system. Only a few people, such as Sergeant Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman) and Assistant D.A. Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes), still struggle against the crimelords and corrupt judges who are driving Gotham ever deeper into ruin.

No man can repair the damage done to Gotham, but Bruce Wayne is determined to become more than a man. Batman Begins tells the tale of how Bruce Wayne uses every resource at his disposal to become a legend. Drawing on a childhood accident that left him with a paralyzing fear of bats, Bruce becomes what he fears in order to strike fear into the hearts of the criminals who are destroying the foundation of Gotham. It is this exploration of darkness, fear and anxiety that keeps the movie interesting at the beginning and propels it through to the end. Bruce Wayne faces his fear, becomes his fear, and ultimately proves that the compassion some consider to be his greatest weakness is, in fact, a strength in and of itself.

Christian Bale brings a good mix of humanity and cold, steely determination to the roles of Bruce Wayne and the Batman. Wayne is, however, a little too quick to discard the playboy millionaire façade when confronted by his childhood friend, the earnest Rachel Dawes. This might be a sign that Bruce hasn’t yet fully embraced his dual roles, but more likely it’s a bit of sloppy writing that lays the foundation for the one remnant of the old Batman franchise that Nolan and company didn’t do away with: Batman revealing his secret identity to the girl. This was probably the single biggest disappointment in Batman Begins. Bruce needs to save face with his old friend, so he lets her in on the secret. It didn’t have to be this way, and would have created an interesting dynamic for future installments if Rachel had gone on believing that Bruce was the shallow millionaire playboy.

Rachel herself isn’t a very engaging character. Whether that’s a testament of Katie Holmes’ acting ability or just some more sloppy writing, I’m not sure. Whatever the case, when Rachel was in danger, I wasn’t concerned about her wellbeing because I liked the character, but rather because she was clearly so important to Bruce Wayne.

The rest of the supporting characters aren’t so bland. Morgan Freeman provides many of the movie’s more humorous moments as Lucius Fox, a former board member of Wayne Enterprises now whiling away his time in the basement, looking after the company’s now-defunct weapons manufacturing section. He occasionally exchanges barbs with Earle (Rutger Hauer), the trustee of the Wayne fortune and head of Wayne Enterprises. Earle’s role is relatively minor, but I wouldn’t count him out of future installments.

There’s also Alfred Pennyworth, the Waynes’ loyal and ever-present butler, played by Michael Caine. Alfred is an intrinsic character in the Batman history, and Caine does an excellent job of portraying just how deeply he cares for the Wayne family, even when the family consists of only Bruce.

And then there’s the Batmobile, the design of which can be described in three words: urban commando chic. Unlike previous incarnations, the new Batmobile looks formidable. It’s part Humvee, part Knight Industries Two Thousand and all bad ass. In terms of stylistic choice, no single aspect of this movie had as much make-or-break potential as the Batmobile. I was somewhat nervous about how radically different it looks from anything Batman has previously driven, but quite pleased with how it worked on screen. Batman isn’t about subtlety, and the Batmobile doesn’t appear to have a subtle bolt in its chassis. Yet, when stealth is the order of the day, this behemoth of a vehicle can sneak with the best of them. The only sticking point is the somewhat silly means by which the driver shifts positions when accessing the Batmobile’s onboard weapons systems.

The Batmobile is a perfect representation of just how much Christopher Nolan has distanced Batman Begins from the Burton/Schumacher films, and it worked surprisingly well. I was also surprised by how much I enjoyed the Hans Zimmer/James Newton Howard soundtrack. Despite the lack of a distinctive Batman theme (such as the one Danny Elfman created for the 1989 Batman), the orchestral score worked very well. Also, there are no pop themes for this movie. No Prince or R. Kelly or Jewel tunes that would undermine the tone, and that’s a good thing.

For those more familiar with the Adam West and Michael Keaton versions of the caped crusader, Batman Begins may seem overly dark and excessively edgy. For those of us who have read the graphic novels and comic books featuring Batman over the past twenty years, this new film version is exactly what we’ve been waiting for. It has its weak points (every movie does), but they are far outweighed by the power of the Dark Knight’s true debut.

Not cool.

The furnace and air conditioner in our house are now twenty years old. This is equivalent to ninety-seven in human years. They’re old and—like many a ninety-seven–year old—some of the internal plumbing doesn’t work right anymore. When the heat turned hot last week, we quickly discovered that the air conditioner simply wasn’t working. Laura called “the guy” who has done some work on our furnace and he made an appointment for Friday.

Unfortunately, the Friday appointment was canceled due to thunderstorms, so “the guy” came by Monday afternoon. When I got home from work, the front door was closed. A good sign.

Sure enough, I was met with a wave of cool, refreshing air when I walked into the house. Excellent. “The guy” had refilled the coolant, but he advised Laura that the compressor wasn’t going to be able to cope with 90-degree days. Additionally, he said, the filters we use are too thick and don’t allow the fan to effectively move the cool (or hot, I suppose) air. We should use cheaper filters. Cost to fix the A/C on Monday: about $120.

Not bad.

“The guy” also suggested that the entire heating and cooling system be replaced (which we expected he would) and provided a rough estimate of the cost of doing so. I was expecting the number of zeroes on the end, but the non-zero number at the beginning was a bit higher than I anticipated.

Time to rob a liquor store.

Yesterday, Laura noticed that the A/C was leaking water (at least, we hope it was water) all over the floor in the laundry room.1 This seemed awfully familiar, because … hey, wasn’t that the reason we stopped using the A/C last summer? Yeah, it was. The source of the leak, which is right above the furnace, doesn’t looks like it’s going to be particularly easy to get at. In fact, it looks like it’s going to be kind of expensive to get at.

I’ll get the ski mask and the shotgun.

For the time being, the A/C is off. I can’t fault “the guy” for the leak. How was he to know? He fixed what appeared to be the immediate problem, which is exactly what we asked him to do. Whether we have “the guy” back in to fix the leak or suffer through the heat until we can pony up the dough to replace the whole kit and kaboodle is going to depend on just how uncomfortable we get, I would imagine.

Might as well grab a bottle of Jim Beam while I’m there.

  1. Edit: I’m told that the coolant is most likely gaseous and the A/C probably doesn’t use water in the system. It’s probably just condensation. If it is condensation (and I certainly wouldn’t discount that possibility), there’s an awful lot of it and it’s dripping from above the furnace, which doesn’t seem like it’d be a good thing.

    More Edit: I’ve been schooled on the manner in which air conditioning works. The compressor outside compresses air and pumps it inside through a small pipe. Inside, the air is expanded in a coil, causing the cooling effect. Warm, moist air is passed over the coil and condensation forms on the metal. This moisture drips into a collection pan of some sort and drains through a pipe. The current theory is that the drain pipe is clogged, causing the drain pan to overflow. This may actually be something I can fix myself, and now I want to go home and do so. [back]

Hearing the Dark Tower

Dark Tower V: Wolves of the CallaThe Dark Tower V - Wolves of the Calla
Stephen King
Read by George Guidall
ISBN: 0743533526

I own multiple versions of the first four installments of Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, including Books I - III in softcover, Book IV in hardcover, Books I - III on CD, and Book IV on (gasp!) cassette. I’ve been slowly acquiring this series on CD over the past year, usually finding each installment for about $20 at Half Price Books.
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