Pedestrians attempting to walk past the house since Friday have had to deal with this:
Who tears up sidewalk on a Friday?
Despite the fact that Laura was home all day on Friday, no one came to the house to say, “Hey, I’m from [company], and I wanted to let you know that we’re going to be digging up a chunk of your sidewalk.”
I’m guessing it was Comcast, as I saw one of their trucks next to a similar hole about a half mile from the house. Still, it would have been nice to be notified that they’d be digging up my sidewalk and not repairing it for a few days. The hole (as evidenced by the picture above, which I took about 10 minutes ago) is still there today. If it’s still there tomorrow, I’m going to start making phone calls.
“Yo, yo, yo, where the courtesy at?”
Dude! It’s the aliens, man! They’re actually tunneling under your house right now! Probably planning on replacing the spouse with an exact replica! Sneaky boogers, them aliens…
They’re after your accumulated wealth!
Great. First ants, now aliens.
I need more Raid.
Kill two birds with one stone. Give them your shiney, useless accumulated wealth before you start to make your phone calls.
I doubt raid will work, you may want to call the MIB to confirm.
You may have THE GUBMINT, which is decidedly harder to eradicate than bugs or aliens. The signs are all there if you look close enough.
Proceed with caution; THE GUBMINT can and will use the phone and copious amounts of paperwork as decoys. Go for the jugular, threaten to cut off its funding.
Godspeed and good-luck
So I’ve got gubmint-sponsored alien ants invading my “family room”? Maybe they’re planning to replace the cats with alien replicas first, then go for Laura.
How can I tell whether or not the cats have been replaced?
ME: Tell me something only Gil would know.
GIL stares blankly for a few seconds, then licks his own ass.
ME: Okay, they haven’t gotten to you yet.
Perhaps not.
GIL may have been a plant from the very beginning. Who else could have told the ants about the food? Lola? You? THINK, man!
Only the paranoid survive.
I don’t remember if I took the red pill or the blue. Whichever it was, I clearly should have taken the other.