I can’t believe it’s not whipped cream.

Whipped Cream

Ingredients:

1 cup whipping cream
1-2 tablespoons powdered sugar
small pinch of salt (optional)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Preparation:

Chill bowl, beaters and whipping cream in freezer. Stir in salt. Beat cream at high speed until it begins to stiffen. Slowly add powdered sugar and vanilla while continuing to beat cream into high peaks.

Serve chilled over pumpkin pie.

You can top pumpkin pie with Reddi Whip or Cool Whip, but nothing beats good, old-fashioned whipped cream. As the refrigerator at 5464 Kellogg Court contained none of the above, Miscellaneous G™ and I decided to stop by Giant Eagle to acquire a suitable topping. In the dairy section, we discovered that Reiter whipping cream was $1.59. As it so happened, I had coins totaling $1.12 in my pocket. By sheer serendipity, Miscellaneous G™ had forty-seven cents in his pocket. It seemed we were destined to top our dessert with real whipped cream!

I will now admit something that may cause my masculine brethren to ostracize, shun and utterly revile me: there’s something to be said for reading directions.

The container of whipping cream had no helpful guide imprinted upon it, so I followed Miscellaneous G™’s advice: Just put it in a bowl and beat the hell out of it. When the cream began to stiffen, I wondered if perhaps I should sweeten the mix. I seemed to recall my mother using powdered sugar, but I wasn’t positive, so I consulted one of the hefty recipe books that (apparently) are not there simply to provide proper ambience. Sure enough, Ms. Crocker advised the use of powdered sugar. I added a tablespoon and continued the frantic beating.

The end result was butter. Sweet, creamy butter. At least, that’s what we assumed it was. Having some knowledge of dairy products, I was aware that butter could be achieved through the exhaustive mixing of cream. In my youth, I churned butter with my siblings. You simply stir cream long enough and voila! Butter.

Still, I’d never heard of anyone accidentally making butter, so I called my mother.

Yes, she said. That’s butter. She advised that I chill both bowl and beaters next time, and add the powdered sugar slowly, instead of all at once. Powdered sugar, Mom said, helps hold the whipped cream together better than granulated sugar. On the Intarweb this morning, I found that adding a small pinch of salt to the whipping cream will help in that regard, too.

When Laura returned from her council meeting, Miscellaneous G™ and I were playing Taiko Drum Master. On the counter was a loaf of French bread, cut in half lengthwise, garnished with raisins, cinnamon and sweet, homemade butter, then baked at 350ยบ for about ten minutes.

When life gives you butter, hey… you’ve got butter.