Today marks the ninth anniversary of the day Laura Sperry foolishly answered in the affirmative when Pastor Loxterman asked if she’d have me as her husband. This lapse in judgement was well-documented and observed by dozens of people who had been invited to bear witness to her folly.

Since then, Laura has been my supplicant companion, eagerly ensuring that my every husbandly whim becomes reality. While she enjoys the trappings of her office, she remains cognizant of her duties as my wife, and constantly strives to conform to the ideals I have set forth. Ever aware of my lofty expectations, she comports herself in a suitably obiesant manner, never questioning my authority or judgment. She is affectionate when appropriate, and responds to my affections in a manner which pleases me. She is probably laughing her head off as she reads this.

Honestly, I couldn’t get properly dressed in the morning if Laura wasn’t there to organize my wardrobe. I don’t know where I’d be if she hadn’t stuck her nose where it so clearly didn’t belong twelve years ago (thus thrusting herself uninvited into my life), but I’m thankful that she decided to take the initiative and contact the guy who was so ineptly hitting on her friend. My life is richer for the intrusion.

Happy Anniversary to us.