KJToo

Though my young apprentice is not yet entirely ready to emerge from his growth chamber, the time draws nigh. As is appropriate, certain preparations have begun.

• The room in which the young one will be housed has been made ready. A border — upon which is imprinted a pattern of stars, moons and suns to symbolize the entirety of the galaxy he will one day rule — has been applied to the walls, along with other, similarly-themed accoutrements. Likewise, the crib in which he will rest and dream of future glory has been assembled and appointed with such regalia as befits his station.
• The bassinet in which he will sleep during his early infancy has also been assembled and adorned with appropriately elegant and majestic trappings. I can take no credit for this.
• Tomorrow morning I will journey to the Willoughby Fire Department and consult with a “child safety seat expert” to ensure that the car seat is properly installed in the MVoD.
• A yellow folder has been readied; within are hospital admission documents.
• Also at the ready is a small overnight bag, prepared by Laura.
• I am creating a playlist on KJToonz entitled “Push ‘em out, shove ‘em out, waaaaaay out!” comprised of music that Laura finds soothing and relaxing.
• Dilation has begun.

He is coming. It is only a matter of time.

Posted December 30, 2005 Comments(11)

WordPress 2.0 is on the verge of official release, so I expect to be upgrading the site in the next week or so. There may be a hiccup or two in the upgrade process, but I’ll try to make it as quick and painless as possible. This should not affect the Forum or Photo Gallery in any way.

Posted December 29, 2005 Comments(0)

Happy birthday to my sisters, Brenda (AKA Jamwoman; Older, Bigger Lil Sis) and Karen (AKA Karen), who are both much, much younger than me.

Brenda reminds me with disturbing frequency that I was quite vociferous in my desire for a younger sister while my mother was pregnant (with what the doctors at the time believed to be “a big boy”). Lemme tell you something, Brenda: you weren’t born! You have no idea what I said while you were percolating! It’s all hearsay, and it’ll never hold up in court! Ha!

Whatever I may or may not have wanted at the time, what Mom came home from the hospital with was twin girls, identical in every respect, except that they looked and acted nothing alike. Brenda is dark-haired and boisterous, while Karen is blonde and quiet. They probably should have been named “Yin” and “Yang,” yet some people insisted on having trouble telling them apart.

Happy birthday to both of you. And Karen, I’m really sorry about that whole “smashing your finger with the sledge hammer” thing.

Posted December 29, 2005 Comments(6)

Airplane! (1980)
“Don’t Call Me Shirley” Edition DVD (2005)

Starring Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, Leslie Nielsen, Lloyd Bridges, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and June Cleaver

Directed by Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that this is not a full review of the new Airplane! DVD. I only had time to watch the movie twice last night, and I’ll need to watch it two more times before I see every feature on the disc.1

Speaking of features, here’s a list of what’s on the “Don’t Call Me Shirley” Edition DVD:

• Original theatrical release (widescreen)
• Trivia track
• Extended “Long Haul” version (with deleted scenes, interviews and more)
• Audio commentary by producer Jon Davison and writer/directors Jim Abrahams and David & Jerry Zucker
• Theatrical trailer

Laura and I watched the original theatrical release last night, then Laura slept on the couch while I watched the trivia track, which is essentially the “Pop-up Video” version.2 I really wish they’d do this with more movies. The last time I saw something similar was on the MTV Spider-Man animated series DVD. The pop-ups point out where David and Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and pretty much everyone they’ve ever known appear in the film (in one form or another). They also point out little production and continuity goofs as well as providing mini-bios for many of the film’s stars.3

As transfers to DVD do, this one looks pretty clean, but I wasn’t really nit-picking audio or video quality because I was too busy laughing at jokes and sight gags that I’ve seen at least a dozen times before. No matter how many times I watch Airplane!, it never gets old to me. The same is true of the first in the Naked Gun series, but for my money Leslie Nielsen’s deadpan delivery just doesn’t get any better than Doctor Rumack in Airplane!4

It’s not just Nielsen, either. Airplane! is like a gathering of good ol’ boys who — while certainly very accomplished thespians — weren’t (at that time) generally thought of as comic actors. Lloyd Bridges, Peter Graves and Robert Stack are all ridiculously funny, each bringing their own style, each delivering lines that I could quote in my sleep. Relative newcomers (again, at that time) Julie Hagerty and Robert Hays are equally hilarious as the headstrong-yet-clueless Elaine and the deeply troubled Ted Striker.

The Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker team may not deal in sophisticated comedy, but there’s a lot to be said for their brand of outlandish, in-your-face humor. Airplane! holds the tenth spot in the American Film Institute’s 100 Funniest American Movies of All Time, though I would probably kick it up a notch or nine.

1. Maybe. I don’t know if it’s possible to watch the “Long Haul” version with the audio commentary turned on, but that might be a good way to kill two birds with one stone. [back]
2. As far as I can tell the “pop-up” effect is accomplished through the use of souped-up subtitles, which is pretty spiffy. [back]
3. They mention, for example, that Ted Striker is wearing a Navy uniform when he meet’s Elaine in the bar, but later is in an Army hospital. What they don’t mention is that Ted says he was a pilot in the Air Force. [back]
4. Every time I see two people sitting in an office or conference room, I’m tempted to stick my head in the door and say, “I just wanted to tell you both good luck, we’re all counting on you.” [back]

Posted December 28, 2005 Comments(4)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Starring Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly, Helena Bonham Carter, Noah Taylor, Deep Roy and Fu Manchu

Directed by Tim Burton

When the first trailer for Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was released and we saw Johnny Depp as the enigmatic Willy Wonka, I believe the same four words bubbled to the milk chocolatey surface of every viewer’s mind: “creepy Michael Jackson vibe.”

I know some people who opted not to see Charlie and the Chocolate factory for just that reason; they weren’t particularly keen on watching the King of Candy prancing about with five children at his chocolate factory like the King of Pop with five children at his Neverland Ranch. Regardless of what did or did not go on at the latter, I would suggest that it should not be your reason for avoiding the former.

Whatever he looks and sounds like, there’s a big difference between Depp’s Wonka and Jackson’s… Jackson. Yes, Wonka has the pasty face and the high voice, but the resemblance ends there. See, Willy Wonka doesn’t appear to like kids all that much. While he has invited five of them into his factory, it’s pretty clear that he’d rather be doing just about anything but hanging around with the children. As a general rule, he is put off by their behavior (rightfully so, for the most part) and shrinks away should they even so much as grab his elbow.

It’s an interesting portrayal, but it runs into a huge roadblock: Willy Wonka doesn’t seem very human. Through a series of flashbacks, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory delves fairly deep into Wonka’s childhood in order to explain his motivations but ultimately fails to turn him into a sympathetic character. While I certainly felt for Wonka-the-child, Wonka-the-adult was so distant and aloof that there simply wasn’t any connection between the two. Thus, I found that I really didn’t care whether or not Willy Wonka resolved his childhood problems.

Is that a failing of Tim Burton or of Johnny Depp? Honestly, I think it’s a little bit of both. Depp failed to allow Willy Wonka’s humanity to show through when it was critical that he become a sympathetic character, but Burton’s story didn’t emphasize the healing/redeeming aspects of the aforementioned resolution of Wonka’s childhood problems. A little tweaking on both parts would have resulted in my heart happily simmering as the end credits rolled.

Willy Wonka aside, I’m afraid that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory doesn’t have a whole lot going for it, except for some rather amusing Oompa Loompa tunes and an excellent turn by David Kelly as Grandpa Joe. The main problem is that it simply doesn’t stand out from the 1971 Mel Stuart version starring Gene Wilder. The two Willy Wonkas are as different as night and day, but almost everything else (apart from a slightly different ending) has been done before.

On the untrademarked, unpatented KJToo Arbitrary 27-point Rating System, I give Charlie and the Chocolate Factory a 17.

Willy Wonka: 5
Despite bringing back the original title, Johnny Depp is clearly the big draw here. Unfortunately, his out-of-this world performance never makes it back to terra firma and I just didn’t care about him. Christopher Lee is woefully underused as Willy Wonka’s father.

Charlie: 6
Solid performances from Freddie Highmore (Charlie) and David Kelly (Grandpa Joe) are a high point in the non-Wonka cast. The other children and their respective guardians are all portrayed quite well, but Helena Bonham Carter and Noah Taylor as Charlie’s parents are little more than set dressing.

The Chocolate Factory: 6
Deep Roy is all of the Oompa Loompas, and that’s pretty impressive. Unfortunately, nothing else about Wonka’s “amazing” chocolate factory really wowed me.

Posted December 27, 2005 Comments(0)