HoNoToGrABeWe.

I almost forgot something else that happened in November: HoNoToGrABeWe.

That’s How Not To Grow A Beard Week, and to the best of my knowledge I am the sole participant.

HoNoToGrABeWe was announced Monday and slated to continue through Friday. The idea was to demonstrate that it is not possible for me to grow anything approaching a real beard in seven days. On Monday, I arrived at work with a three-day stubble, having elected not to shave over the weekend (including the previous Friday).

I have not shaved — with the exception of the front of my neck below the chin — all week, and the results are less than inspiring. I still have the goatee, but the pathetic stubble on my cheeks cannot be detected except from certain angles and under ideal lighting conditions.

I’m not sure what I’ll do next. I may try to turn December into HoNoToGrABeMo, but I don’t think Laura will stand for it. More than likely, I’ll give it another week and then shave the whole thing off.

Grizzly Adams, I ain’t.

So what else is going on?

NaNoWriMo wasn’t the only thing going on in November, though you might have thought it was if you talked to me or read this ol’ blog. Many, many wonderful things happened last month, and I’m very, very pleased to provide the following recap: ((Sorry. I was channeling Commandante Eric Lassard a bit there. I really don’t know why.))

  1. The Baby Shower. It was quite the shindig, but it flew by very quickly. The little mister got one gigundous haul, and Laura and I spent way too much time opening all the gifts. There were upwards of sixty or seventy people there, the food was excellent, and it was all over before I knew it. One of these days I’ll get around to putting some baby shower pictures in the photo album.
  2. Thanksgiving. This year, I was (and am) thankful for a great many things including (but not limited to):
    • My wife, Laura. I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society without her influence. I’d probably still be wearing nothing but jeans and black t-shirts, too. Plus, she made some damn good pumpkin pie for Turkey Day.
    • My young apprentice. I can’t wait to meet the little geek.
    • My family and extended family. Whether we are family by blood or marriage, they’re all fantastic, loving, supportive people.
    • My friends. If you’re reading this and you don’t fall into any of the categories above, I’m talking about you. Unless you’re here chasing a Google search of “Gwyneth Paltrow’s nipples,” in which case you’re probably very disappointed. ((I was looking through the server logs a few months ago and found that at least one person had wandered to KJToo.com from just such a Google search. Why is KJToo.com in the search results for that particular phrase? Read my review of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow for the answer.))
    • Gatos di tutti gatos. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern, AKA Rosie and Gil. They’re an endless source of amusement.
    • Pumpkin pie. Seriously, it was awesome pie.
    • Everything else. Good job, good health, good neighbors, the MvoD and the occasional sloppy joe. Am I forgetting anything? Almost definitely.
  3. Childbirth classes. Informative, interesting, and just a little bit frightening. And now, I can almost keep a straight face when someone says the word “vaginal.” ((Oh, yeah. That’s gonna get me some Google hits, too.))
  4. Dave Campbell puts The Velvet Marauder on hiatus. This is not actually wonderful at all. The Velvet Marauder is the personal blog of a masked vigilante who patrols the streets of Evergreen City. It’s brilliant, and if you’re at all a fan of comic book superheroes, I encourage you to read it from the beginning. There are links to The Velvet Marauder and Dave’s other excellent blog, Dave’s Long Box, in the “Blogroll” section.
  5. Threshold and Nightstalker cancelled. That’ll free up more time to watch crappy movies on the Sci-Fi Channel! ((I’m perfectly capable of watching crappy movies on The Sci-Fi Channel while I change diapers. Hell, it’ll make the actual poop seem less… poopy.))
  6. Podcasting. Okay, podcasts have been around for a year or so, but in November I started listening to a bunch of them, including Ancestor, The Dragon Page, I Should Be Writing and Unquiet Desperation, all of which I’ve linked to in the “Podroll” section. I’ve been listening to TWiT since episode one, when it was called Revenge of the Screen Savers.

NaNoWriMo: The Big Finish

So, it was a race to the finish last night, but I managed to hit 50,000 words at fifteen minutes to midnight. Getting the file uploaded and verified was a bit nerve-wracking, too.

What do I write when I’m under the gun and need 6,000+ words?

Well, stuff like this, for starters:

“Okay,” Ted said, breaking the awkward silence. “I guess you’re wondering why we called at five in the morning and asked you to meet us at an abandoned movie theater.”

Liz looked at Ted, but said nothing.

“Well,” Ted said, taking a deep breath. “We wanted to let you know that you probably shouldn’t bother going into work today, given that your office is now a giant smoking hole in the ground. Not to mention that some asshole in an attack helicopter – was that an Apache? I’m pretty sure it was an Apache. Anyway, some asshole in an attack helicopter that may or may not have been an Apache blew up the road with a rocket. Or maybe it was a missile. I’m not big on armaments.”

Liz just blinked.

“Your employer,” Ted continued, “the lovable and charming fellow known only as ‘The Director’ — probably because his name is Percival or Dick Whittington or something and he doesn’t want the other kids making fun of him all the time — is not a nice man, though you had probably already figured that out. At any rate, he probably would like nothing better than to catch your boyfriend and I and put us in a box. Or maybe he’d like to kill us. Or possibly catch us and then kill us, or vice versa, which is pretty darn rude. At any rate, he’s gonna be pissed when he finds out we blew up his secret underground lair, though – and this is just between you, me and the giant movie screen over there – I don’t really think that was our fault. But we did steal his Humvee.” Ted gestured over his shoulder to the assault vehicle without pausing. “And blew the roof off. Oh, and blew up his helicopter. The Apache. The same one that blew up the road.”

“Ted,” Bob said, finally finding his voice.

“Yeah?” Ted asked.

“Shut up.”

When I stopped typing last night, I had a total of 50,003 words and my main characters were fleeing Reno, NV in a stolen Mitsubishi Galant. Where are they going? I have no idea. What will they do when the get there? Again, no idea.

Laura, on the other hand, has a complete story from beginning to end. She tells me it needs revision, but it’s a complete package right now. How cool is that?