KJToo

While writer Mike Mignola and director Guillermo del Toro work on Hellboy 2: The Golden Army for a 2007 release, Tad Stones and company are working on two animated Hellboy movies that will be aired on Cartoon Network’s Toonami sometime this year. The animated movies feature Ron Perlman as the voice of Hellboy and John Hurt as Doctor Broom.

Tad Stones keeps a production diary at Hellboy Animated, which I found only yesterday. No sooner had I subscribed to the RSS feed than Tad made the Toonami announcement.

I’m also psyched (do people say that anymore?) that Toonami will have a Fantastic Four animated series, the second Ultimate Avengers movie, and an animated Iron Man feature.

Posted March 25, 2006 Comments(2)

Shortly after Kyle and I got back from the coffeeshop last night, Laura called from Burger King; she was on her way home and asked if I’d like her to bring some dinner.

“Bring me one of those Angus burgers,” I said. “A big one, with no tomato. And some onion rings.”

Kyle had already eaten.

Of course, my choice was directly affected by my purely platonic love for Doctor Angus,1 fictional pitchman for Burger King’s line of gourmet hamburgers. “I’m Doctor Angus,” chimed the voice in the back of my head, “and I’ve got a PhD in cheesy.”

Minutes later, dinner arrived and I attacked it with vigor. The burger was pretty darn tasty, and the onion rings were still warm enough that they hadn’t been rendered inedible. Add a monster-sized raspberry iced tea to wash it down and I was a pretty happy camper.

Until about three hours later. I won’t go into the gruesome details, but my night involved three trips to the bathroom and a cleansing ritual that likely changed weather patterns in the Swiss Alps.2

You might be surprised to learn that my feelings toward Doctor Angus have not been altered by the assault his cap leaf lettuce, freshly toasted corn-dusted bun and signature steak sauce made on my innards. He has won this round, but he is a formidable opponent and I still admire his cheesiness.

Next week: I know he’s singing “big buckin’ chicken,” but it sure as hell sounds like something else. It’s the new Tendercrisp Cheesy Bacon. Buckin’ chicken.

1. I also love the Burger King himself: the plastic-headed, grinning mascot that many people find extremely creepy. He just seems so darn fun-loving to me, and there’s a glint in his eye that suggests his idea of fun may include tossing kittens in an incinerator or pushing your grandmother’s wheelchair onto a busy interstate highway. I should point out that I do not enjoy or condone such activities. Really. [back]
2. To be fair to Doctor Angus, it is not at all uncommon for Burger King to have that effect on me. And to be fair to Burger King, Laura suffered no ill-effects whatsoever from her Whopper meal. Whenever I eat the food from Burger King, I do so with the full knowledge that it may turn my digestive system into an expressway. It doesn’t happen every time, but often enough that I am aware of the cause-and-effect relationship. [back]

Posted March 24, 2006 Comments(4)

I have a secret shame and his name is Doctor Angus (AKA Harry Enfield). I enjoy every one of the Burger King commercials featuring the faux motivational speaker, especially the most recent one in which Doc Angus declares, “It’s that easy; it’s that cheesy!” What the hell is wrong with me?

Despite the fact that I will rewind the TiVo to watch Doctor Angus commercials, I’ve never tried the Angus burgers at BK. Oh, I’ve been tempted to, but I almost never think about Doctor Angus while I’m actually at the drive-thru. Weird.

I also enjoy the new VW ads featuring my favorite pancake lover, Peter Stormare. Stormare, dressed in white and speaking with a thick German accent, “unpimps” a series of rides by flinging them with a trebuchet (”Oh, snap!”), flattening them with a shipping container, or otherwise demolishing them. Yes, I rewind these ones, too. No, I don’t plan to purchase a Volkswagen anytime soon. Snap, indeed.

Oh, and did I mention that the upgrade to Wordpress 2.0.2 is complete and comment screening is deactivated? The upgrade to WordPress 2.0.2 is complete and comment screening is deactivated.

Posted March 21, 2006 Comments(4)

LEGO Star Wars (Xbox)

I was on the fence about picking up LEGO Star Wars because it covers Episodes I - III of the movie trilogy, and I’m not a big fan of the prequels. However, I’d heard some pretty good things about the game and I was curious to give it a shot. Then two things happened: the game moved to the “Platinum” series—which essentially means a new box, a twenty dollar price tag and (I believe) compatibility with the Xbox 360—and I found out that the game features cooperative multiplayer capability, which is almost enough to get me to buy any Xbox game.

Miscellaneous G™ and I played LEGO Star Wars for about five hours one evening, completing both Episode I and Episode II. A week or so later, it only took us a couple of hours to finish Episode III after which we started running through the game in “Free Play” mode, playing whichever characters we liked (G avoids playing Jar-Jar Binks, for some reason) and trying to find all of the hidden mini-kit parts. Successfully collecting these parts doesn’t affect gameplay, but the parts are assembled into various vehicles from the Star Wars universe that can be viewed outside of Dexter’s cantina (the LEGO Star Wars equivalent to Cheers).

LEGO Star Wars is geared toward the younger gamer, but has proven to be quite enjoyable for the more “mature” player as well. The total absence of clumsy dialog and wooden performances (can little plastic people emote?) made the prequel trilogy a bit more enjoyable for me, and “accidentally” killing Anakin Skywalker from time to time is quite cathartic.

Most of the story focuses on tromping through various familiar settings armed with a lightsaber or blaster, but each episode throws one vehicle-based mission into the mix (e.g., the Episode I podrace). The Episode II vehicle mission, which takes place on the surface of the planet Geonosis, reminded both Miscellaneous G™ and I of the classic arcade space-shooter, Zaxxon.

Whether traipsing through the Kashyyyk forest as Chewbacca or fighting a space battle as Obi-Wan Kenobi, points are scored by collecting LEGO “studs” of varying colors. Studs are used as currency at Dexter’s cantina to purchase game cheats and hints or unlock new characters. Characters are also unlocked in the course of regular gameplay, and there are more than thirty playable characters in all, good and bad guys alike.

Levels are designed in such a way that it is impossible to collect all the secret mini-kits during “Story Mode,” thus requiring that the level be replayed in “Free Mode” with different characters. This isn’t as annoying as one might expect, as there are a lot of characters to choose from, each with his or her own interesting ability. Blaster-wielding characters, for example, have the ability to rappel at certain points, while Jedi and Sith characters can use the Force on various objects. Young Anakin can slip into spaces larger characters cannot access, droids can open doors, and Jar-Jar Binks can jump higher than almost anyone else. Then there’s Yoda, who hobbles along at a snail’s pace until the Jump button is pressed, at which point he zips along on his personal repulsor craft. Once the aged Jedi Master activates his lightsaber he is a barely-contained, highly dangerous Super Bounce Ball. With the lightsaber in hand, Yodo jumps everywhere. It makes him a formidable opponent, but it also makes him rather difficult to control.

The biggest problem with LEGO Star Wars is the camera. All too often in multiplayer mode a misstep by one character can lead to a chain of unstoppable deaths for one or both players. If one player moves toward the edge of the screen, he may drag the other player along with him, often resulting in the other character falling to his or her death. As some of the levels are very platform-heavy (with bottomless chasms abound), this can become a major problem. If the character is not dragged to his death he may disappear, only to reappear in a very inconvenient location that will ultimately lead to his death anyway.

Despite the poorly-implemented camera and drag mechanic, LEGO Star Wars remains a light-hearted, enjoyable and often challenging (in a good way) game, and thanks to the wide array of playable characters, replayability is high. I give LEGO Star Wars three dismembered limbs out of four.

Posted March 21, 2006 Comments(4)

Good Night, and Good Luck (2005)

Starring David Strathairn, George Clooney, Patricia Clarkson, Frank Langella, Jeff Daniels, Robert Downey Jr., Tate Donovan and Dr. Alec Holland

Directed by George Clooney

Good Night, and Good Luck is another one of those movies that I meant to see in the theater and was almost surprised to find on the shelves at Blockbuster. That shouldn’t be construed as commentary on the quality of the film, but rather on how quickly time seems to be passing for me lately.

For a movie that is so dialog-driven, Good Night, and Good Luck moves along with surprising speed. Though the story takes place over a couple of months, the conflict between Edward R. Murrow (David Strathairn) and Senator Joseph McCarthy seems to escalate very quickly, and there’s always a sense of urgency when Murrow, Fred Friendly (George Clooney) and company are putting together one of their segments.

The pacing makes for a short film, too; Good Night, and Good Luck clocks in at about 97 minutes, not counting the end credits. Despite the abbreviated length, there’s a lot packed into the movie, including a sub-plot involving Joe and Shirley Wershba’s (Robert Downey Jr. and Patricia Clarkson) illicit marriage and another showing the effect that McCarthy’s witch-hunt had on news anchor Don Hollenbeck (Ray Wise).

Good Night, and Good Luck is a compelling look back at a time when government officials were reaching beyond the limits of their power to ferret out alleged enemies of the state, and when citizens who voiced concern over the situation were often declared to be in league with those enemies. It’s a sharp, well-performed piece that resonates very strongly today, and anyone who disagrees is clearly a Communist.

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie (2004)

Starring Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Roger Bumpass, Mr. Lawrence, Carolyn Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Jeffrey Tambor, Alec Baldwin, David Hasselhoff, Jill Talley, Mary Jo Catlett, Kristopher Logan and The Kurgan

Directed by Stephen Hillenburg

If you’re asking yourself why in the name of all things absorbent, porous and yellow I would rent and watch The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie, the answer is simple: David Hasselhoff.

Okay that’s not entirely true. The real reason is that Chris Miller gave me a homework assignment. “Go,” he said. “Find something that one might not normally consider mythic, and make it so.”

I’m paraphrasing, but that was pretty much the gist of it. Mick Bradley, Chris Miller, Rae Lamond and myself were supposed to — for once in our lives — stop thinking about the works of Joss Whedon, J.R.R. Tolkien and George Lucas and search for mythic elements elsewhere. On Wednesday, we’ll all (well, all but Mick, who has unfortunately had to bow out) get together, present our findings, and engage in a lively and informative discussion which will become episode 23 (or 2.3) of The Round Table. Enough about that for the time being; back to SpongeBob.

I thoroughly enjoy SpongeBob Squarepants in general, and the movie was no exception. For some reason (probably the same reason I like Ren & Stimpy) I find the goofy, childish humor really appealing. This should not come as a surprise to anyone who has spent more than five minutes in a room with me.

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie has the same goofy spirit of the television show, but adds David Hasselhoff. Really, whatever else could be said about making SpongeBob bigger and better for a theatrical release, it all comes down to Hasselhoff. If you don’t believe me, consider this: the filmmakers built a thirteen-foot, seven hundred pound Hasselhoff replica to use when filming some scenes where it simply wasn’t possible to include too much Hasselhoff.

That’s putting a lot of stock in Hasselhoff, and what I’m about to say next may seem like sacrilege given what I’ve just asserted. See, the most amazing, life-altering aspect of The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie for me wasn’t Hasselhoff (I promise that will be the last time I use his name in this review), it was Eugene Krabs or—as SpongeBob calls him—Mister Krabs. How is this possible? Well, until the end credits rolled, I didn’t realize that Mister Krabs is voiced by none other than Clancy Brown. I was stunned that I hadn’t recognized his voice, and shocked to hear Mister Krabs’ words coming out of Clancy Brown’s mouth.

I recognized Alec Baldwin as Dennis and Jeffrey Tambor as King Neptune almost immediately, and though I couldn’t place Scarlett Johannson as Princess Mindy I wasn’t terribly surprised to see her name in the credits. Of course, I pegged Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick the very first time I heard his voice on Nickelodeon. But Clancy Brown… how could I have missed that? I mean, come on, I recognized William Fichtner as the unseen marriage counselor in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, didn’t I? What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway, it’s a fun movie. And Clancy Brown is in it. If you’ll excuse me, I’m pretty sure I have to turn in my credentials until the board can review my case and determine whether or not I should be allowed to continue calling myself a geek.

Posted March 20, 2006 Comments(3)