Welcome to Parenthood: Happy Father’s Day


My first Father’s Day as the honoree has come and gone, and I’m quite pleased. Kyle gave me a big smile when I came down in the morning; he always does that, and it always makes me feel fantastic, but yesterday it was a Father’s Day smile, and that made it even better.

A big smile wasn’t all I got for Father’s Day, either. I also received:

  1. Membership in the William Shatner DVD Club: William Shatner has “assembled a series of films that run the gamut of Sci-Fi, Horror and Fantasy, including underground hits, genre classics, and even some gems pulled from the far reaches of independent cinema.” Each month, one of these gems will be delivered to my mailbox. The long and short of it: more movie reviews.
  2. A pair of Arizona Jean Company Rapids: Sandals to replace my current pair, which have served me well over the last several years and taken a lot of abuse. The new pair is very nice, but I won’t be getting rid of the old ones; they’ll be relegated to lawn mowing.

I’m pretty sure that Laura helped Kyle with the selection and purchase of those items.

To escape the heat and humidity of the International House of Johnson, we fled to the Manhattan Deli for breakfast, then assembled at my in-laws’ air-conditioned abode for a day of Carpocalypse, Ultimate Obstacle Course and drag-racing.Kyle and I also watched a show about the bloodline of Dracula on The History Channel, but we both fell asleep on my father-in-law’s comfy recliner about halfway through. Our involvement was fairly passive, but it was Father’s Day, and I understand that it is my duty as a patriarch-American to sit on my fat ass and watch TV all day.I’m very good at my duty.

After an afternoon of watching television, we enjoyed shishkebab for dinner, followed by homemade strawberry shortcake. My in-laws gave me a Superman Returns alarm clock, a picture of which I’ve been unable to find on all of the Internets.EDIT: It would seem that my searching of “all the Internets” was a bit lacking in scope. In fact, I did only a Google Image search. Thanks to my other apprentice, an image of the alarm clock in question has been located. Laura, Kyle and I gave my father-in-law a new, wireless Microsoft optical mouse.This was my suggestion, and a fairly selfish one, as my primary motive for giving the gift is that I don’t like cleaning the mouse every time I sit down to run maintenance on my father-in-law’s computer. He really did need a new mouse, though.

Late in the evening, we returned to our sweltering abode and I closed out the day by taking out the garbage and then shooting some filthy Communists. Not bad for my first Father’s Day. Not bad at all.

5 responses to “Welcome to Parenthood: Happy Father’s Day”

  1. Thagg Avatar

    Allow me to congratulate you on living long enough to see your first Father’s Day.

    To escape the heat and humidity of the International House of Johnson, we fled to the Manhattan Deli for breakfast

    With tongue firmly in cheek I object to the term “International”. Both of your elder siblings have a better claim to the title. KJWon through a mixed-race marriage and myself marrying a legal Alien. And your qualification is?

    I was under the impression that the Cleveland Johnson’s were blessed with Central Air. Am I mistaken?

  2. KJToo Avatar

    [Comment ID #2828 Will Be Quoted Here]

    My wife is 50% Colombian. Not just international, but inter-continental.

    The central air conditioning system at the International House of Johnson is twenty years old, which is approximately 106 in air conditioning years. The compressor is on its last legs and when we had the system repaired/maintained last year, we were advised that it will not last much longer and cannot handle heavy usage.

  3. t Avatar

    My wife is 50% Colombian. Not just international, but inter-continental.

    And you being over 50% Finn… Next it’ll be the Global House of Johnson.

    Or even Johnson Worldwide, Ltd. (to Cleveland)

  4. KJToo Avatar

    [Comment ID #2834 Will Be Quoted Here]

    How about the Galactic Nexus of Johnson?

  5. Thagg Avatar

    Ooohh, even better!

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