SciFi: Who Wants to Be a Superhero? (Episode 2)

The heroes’ assignment this week was a test of raw courage. An old lady had locked herself out of her house, but the back door was unlocked. All the heroes had to do was climb over the back fence, cross the yard, and touch the back door. Unfortunately, there were two attack dogs in the back yard.

One by one, the heroes donned padded gear and helmets, then attempted to cross the yard. Ty’veculus was barely staggered as both dogs hit him with full force, their jaws locking onto the heavy padding on his arms. The hero then walked across the yard — the growling dogs writhing back and forth, refusing to release him — and touched the back door. Total time elapsed: 16 seconds.

Not everyone fared so well. Fat Momma attempted to distract the dogs with crullers, but to no avail. The dogs hit her and she hit the ground, crying “uncle” a few seconds later. The bombastic Iron Enforcer crawled to within two feet of the door before he, too, admitted defeat. Cell Phone Girl, complaining of a headache, lasted a mere four seconds before she relented.

The true star of this challenge was Monkey Woman. Before her attempt, the simian superhero declared that she would not fail; she was seeking redemption for her failure in the costume change/lost girl assignment. Immediately, it seemed that Monkey Woman was doomed to failure. The dogs took her down in a matter of seconds and it seemed that she was severely overpowered.

Every hero had either completed the challenge or cried “uncle” in less than a minute, but even after nine minutes of being mauled by the dogs and never regaining her feet, Monkey Woman continued to fight her way across the back yard. Nearly ten minutes passed before she stubbornly dragged herself and the horrifying hounds to the door.

The challenge completed, Stan Lee announced that there would be another elimination. Four heroes — Cell Phone Girl, Creature, Iron Enforcer and Lemuria — were on the chopping block. When asked whether she should ignore grave danger because she has a headache, Cell Phone Girl lamely replied that she still had a headache. Not surprisingly, she was asked to turn in her costume. “Your minutes are up,” Stan Lee said.

Following the elmination, Stan Lee announced that the heroes would each receive a new costume. The results:

  • Lemuria is far less likely to fall out of her costume.So much for the 18 – 34 year-old male demographic.
  • Major Victory has shiny, shiny shorts.
  • Ty’veculus almost got kicked off the show.

The new costumes didn’t look too bad, for the most part. Ty’veculus, however, must have drawn the short straw, as his new duds looked six kinds of silly. Rather than admit that he wasn’t happy with the new costume, Ty’veculus pretended to be thrilled with it. Both he and Feedback (who had mocked Ty’veculus’ new outfit) wound up under the axe, along with Iron Enforcer.

This is where the show really started to break down and feel scripted. Iron Enforcer’s costume makeover was almost non-existent. As far as I could tell, the only thing Stan Lee’s designers had done was given the guy some new pants. His reaction to the new outfit wasn’t anything worthy of elimination, but Lee called him out anyway, claiming that something about the costume just didn’t feel right. The problem was (as it had been before) Iron Enforcer’s massive gunSeriously, the thing is huge.. Reiterating that heroes don’t kill people, Lee asked Iron Enforcer to turn in his costume.

Last week, I said that there was no way they’d get rid of Iron Enforcer because every reality show needs someone for the audience to root against. I was wrong, but I was right. As Iron Enforcer left the secret lair, Stan Lee appeared to him again, offering a chance to return to the show as his new supervillain. Iron Enforcer consented and was reborn as Dark Enforcer.

This came as no surprise to Laura, who has maintained all along that Iron Enforcer was more suited to supervillainy than superheroism. We both agreed that the entire elimination sequence was clearly scripted and Iron Enforcer was likely a plant from day one. Despite this obvious departure from “reality,” the show remains enjoyable. With the Iron Enforcer out of the heroic mix, I suspect that the plants have all been weeded out and the show should feel a little less scripted going forward.