KJToo

Accord Publishing has 211 “Day-to-Day” desk calendars for 2007 and 2008 listed on their website. If you’ve got a desk calendar filled with insults, misunderstood song lyrics, redneck jokes, Jeopardy questions or cross stitch patterns, there’s a good chance it was published by Accord Publishing or its parent company, Andrews McMeel Universal.1

Last week I bought the Calligraphy & Letter Art™ Accord Art 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar from Half Price Books. The box “[i]ncludes a FREE Elegant Writer® lettering marker! by Speedball®”2, so I thought I was all set for 365 days of beautiful calligraphy.

Since I’m a few weeks behind, I’ve been doing a couple of pages every night before leaving work. Each weekend introduces a new “alphabet” that is used for the following week. The first week is Chancery Italic, the second is Elder English.

Last night I caught up to week three and was introduced to the Shindig alphabet. Unfortunately, Shindig is not designed to be written with the Elegant Writer® lettering marker! by Speedball®. The recommended tools are a “[f]ine-tipped black magic marker and multi-colored magic markers or colored pencils (not included).” I don’t keep colored pencils in my desk at work (not since we discontinued Craft Hour two years ago), but a black .7mm Bic Z4 rollerball pen seemed to be a decent replacement for a fine-tipped black magic marker. No problem.

Flipping ahead to week four (which began on the weekend of 20 January), I see that the recommended tool for the Tuscany alphabet is a “[s]mall paintbrush with ink or watercolor (not included).” Seriously. A paintbrush.

On week five (which started last weekend), the alphabet is Baltissimo, and we’re back to the fine-tipped magic marker (not included). In week six (Twinkle), it’s the paintbrush again (a size “000″ sable brush is recommended). Finally, in week seven (beginning on 10 February) the Elegant Writer® lettering marker! by Speedball® becomes useful again, when the Chancery Italian alphabet makes its triumphant return.

To be followed in week eight by the Savage alphabet and the damned sable brush again. Crap.

The FREE Elegant Writer® lettering marker! by Speedball® is used for four out of the first 12 weeks. Sixty-six point six percent of first twelve weeks should be completed with a writing implement other than the one included in the box. A box on which, I should point out, the additional implement requirements recommendations are not listed.

On the other hand, I can download a FREE Chancery Italic Practice Template from the Accord Publishing website. I don’t see anywhere I can download a FREE size “000″ sable brush and watercolor paints, though. Not even from Speedball®.

1. The 12-month, 365-day year is © Andrews McMeel Universal. [back]
2. The Speedball Art Company, makers of the Elegant Writer® should not be confused with the comic book character, Speedball, who is ™ and © 2007 Marvel Characters, Inc. The former is well-known art supply company, while the latter was involved in an incident that triggered Civil War, a massive crossover event that has rocked the very foundation of the Marvel Universe. [back]

Posted January 31, 2007 Comments(0)

I have to admit to being a little out of touch with current CPU technology. Once upon a time, it was easy to get a rough gauge of CPU performance based on the processor’s speed. My desktop has a 1.7 GHz Intel Pentium IV, while Laura’s desktop is running a 1.1 GHz Pentium III. I watched as available processor speeds passed the 2 GHz, then the 3 GHz mark.

Last year, Intel and AMD both introduced dual-core processors, gave their products names like “Core Duo T2050″ and “Turion 64 X2 TL-50″, and tucked the processor speeds away in small print. I really didn’t pay attention, because I had no need to. Apart not being able to run a growing number of new games (probably a good thing), my computer was just fine; ditto for Laura’s.

That changed a couple of weeks ago when Laura announced that she would like to purchase a laptop. I’ve been wanting to get her one for a couple of years, but until Kyle came along she wasn’t feeling a need for mobile computing. With a curious, active one-year-old boy not content to sit quietly in his mother’s office while she checked her e-mail, designed a birthday party invitation, or scoured eBay for … stuff, Laura realized that it would be nice to have a laptop she could take into the living room while Kyle busied himself with toys and chasing cats.

So last Saturday we went laptop shopping at Micro Center in Mayfield Heights. A lifetime ago (or so it seems), I worked at this very store, and several of the good folks I worked with are still there. I tend to shop around a bit when I want stuff like software and recordable media, but when I want hardware I always head to Micro Center. The fact that they sent me an e-mail coupon for $150 off all notebooks in the store Friday night didn’t hurt, either.

I’d done a little poking around in the store throughout the month (purchasing a new wireless mouse, a Linksys wireless router, and a copy of Norton Internet Security 2007), so I was pretty familiar with the laptops in our price range. I had narrowed it down to three models, and the extra $150 off pretty much cemented the deal. Laura is now the owner of an Acer Aspire 5102WLMi, and I would be remiss if I didn’t provide system specs:

• AMD Turion 64 X2 TL-50 CPU (1.6 GHz)
• 2 GB RAM
• 120 GB, 4200 RPM hard drive.
• 15.4″ WXGA TFT display
• ATI Mobility Xpress 1100 graphics adapter
• DVD+/-R drive.
• Integrated 802.11b/g wireless network adapter
• Windows XP Media Center (with a free upgrade to Windows Vista, if memory serves)

I know the Turion 64 X2 processor running at 1.6 GHz is faster than my 1.7 GHz Pentium IV, but I have no idea how much faster. Apart from initial system setup, installing OpenOffice.org, Firefox, Thunderbird, iTunes and Quicktime and watching the HD Ghost Rider trailer, I really haven’t played with it much. From what I can tell, it’s a very nice machine and will serve Laura’s needs quite well.

I can’t help but wonder how Star Wars: Empire at War would run on it, though.

Posted January 31, 2007 Comments(2)

The Round Table’s hiatus will soon come to an end, so I thought I’d celebrate by pimping a couple of other podcasts I’ve been involved with during the break.

First, Chris Miller and I did a promo for J.C. Hutchins’ 7th Son trilogy. The first book in the trilogy, Descent, was fantastic, and J.C. has been consistently rocking his listeners’ socks off with Book Two, Deceit. Since 7th Son feels like an action-thriller movie, Chris and I decided to give it the movie trailer treatment. A word of warning: our promo trailer contains some mild language.

Second is the always awesome Planet Retcon Radio. I did a couple of guest bits for “StarGate Cafe” in season one, and Wesley Clifford asked me to be the regular announcer for the new show that premiered in season two, “The Log of the Crimson Lein”.

And that’s it. We should be recording a new episode of The Round Table in a week or two, so there’s more podcast-y goodness on the way!

Posted January 31, 2007 Comments(2)

Contrary to popular belief, TiVo has not completely eradicated television advertising in the International House of Johnson. Every once in a while, we neglect to fast-forward through advertising blocks when watching a recorded program; occasionally, we watch live television, ads and all.

A couple of nights ago, a new Old Spice commercial caught my eye, and I did something almost unheard of: I rewound to watch the ad again. And again.

The ad begins in a locker room, where a well-built, shirtless fellow has a confession to make:

I used to think it didn’t matter what deodorant I chose. Dumb.

What follows is a side-by-side comparison of Old Spice and another brand of deodorant. Immediately after the Old Spice is applied to the skin, hair sprouts up in its wake, confirming that Old Spice is, indeed, manly.

Shirtless Fellow continues to expound upon the virtues of Old Spice:

Old Spice performs in real man situations, like basketball, recon and Frenching.

Aw, yeah. Now Ol’ Shirtless is speaking my language; but he’s not quite done:

Try Old Spice, and if you still don’t think it’s awesome, call 1-800-PROVE-IT and they’ll buy you a stick of something that smells like wildflowers and shame.

I don’t know what shame smells like, but I know what Old Spice smells like: my dad. There’s nothing wrong with the way my dad smells; in fact, the scent of Old Spice always reminds me of getting ready to go out with my entire family when I was a young boy. I like the scent, but I don’t wear it.

See, I’ve been a Mitchum man for going on ten years. Robert Mitchum may have had nothing to do with Mitchum deodorant and anti-perspirant, but I firmly believe that his essence makes my deodorant “so effective [I] could skip a day”. I also live in fear that if I should so much as consider switching to another brand, Robert Mitchum would kick my ass from beyond the grave.

So kudos to Old Spice for making me laugh. Unfortunately, even your sweaty, shirtless spokesman isn’t enough to make me tempt the wrath of Robert Mitchum. Better luck next time.

Posted January 27, 2007 Comments(8)

Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast1 is probably my favorite non-MMO multiplayer PC game of all time. In the days of once upon a time when I attended or hosted LAN parties, everyone else was hot and heavy on Counter Strike or Day of Defeat2 but I longed for four-on-four capture the flag on the streets of Nar Shaddaa. The combination of lightsabers, “conventional” weapons and Force powers was fantastic, and Nar Shaddaa’s perilous walkways suspended above bottomless pits made every mis-step a potential disaster. Whether you preferred to snipe your enemies from halfway across the map or get up close and personal so you could use Force Grip or Force Push to send your opponents plummeting to their death (or just cut them down with your lightsaber), the Nar Shaddaa maps could accomodate your play style.

As much as I enjoyed the multiplayer mode, I never finished the single player campaign. If memory serves me correctly, I stopped playing shortly after the hero, Kyle Katarn, gained the Jedi Mind Trick ability. When the sequel, Jedi Academy3 was released, I tore through the single-player campaign in about a week, but never played the multiplayer and never went back to Jedi Outcast. Well, never until now.

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1. Also known as Dark Forces 3: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast in my circle of friends. [back]
2. In the FPS wargame genre, I preferred Medal of Honor: Allied Assault. [back]
3. AKA Dark Forces 4: Jedi Knight III: Jedi Outcast II: Jedi Academy. [back]

Posted January 26, 2007 Comments(6)