Non Sequitur: The Name Game

“Kris Alan Johnson!”

Rarely were those three words strung together unless I had committed some egregious offense. It is common practice, after all, for a parent to employ a child’s full name in the face of an infraction so dire as to warrant prison time (if only the little miscreant could be tried as an adult).

Less severe offenses occasionally elicited a “Kris Alan!” from my mother, but the full name was reserved for truly despicable deeds.

Had I been an entirely rotten child, I suppose it is quite possible that my mother would have grown tired of constantly evoking my full name and determined that simply calling me by my middle name would be sufficient to indicate that I was in deep trouble and to distinguish her summons from those (rare) occasions when she wasn’t ready to wring my scrawny little neck.

But I was most certainly not a rotten child.

Joseph Martin Johnson, on the other hand, must have been a thoroughly rotten child, for to this very day everyone calls him “Martin”.

Except me, of course. I call him “Dad”.

7 thoughts on “Non Sequitur: The Name Game”

  1. Wow – there were 9 kinds of Hell to pay when my Mom yelled “Gerall Eugene Kahla!”

    Yeah.

    My initials spell “geek”; I was doomed from the onset…

    I seemed to learn much quicker how to keep this terrible combination of names from being used. My brother (for whatever reason) didn’t quite fair as well. 🙂

  2. Hmm, your sisters used to call you Ks’Alan…perhaps your middle name was invoked more often than you recall?

    I can say from experience that repetition is not always necessary for a young child to pick up a phrase. Must have been just one of those things they glommed onto, despite the fact that it was so infrequently uttered by an adult.

  3. Yes, always enjoyed hearing “Matt Thurston Wiitala!” – now I get to be reminded of it every time my wife says, “Drew Thurston Wiitala!” to our son!

  4. Yes, always enjoyed hearing “Matt Thurston Wiitala!” – now I get to be reminded of it every time my wife says, “Drew Thurston Wiitala!” to our son!

    Hoist with your own petard (in a manner of speaking)!

  5. I am afraid that I am going to have to agree with Karen on this one, although not totally. I remember it as ‘S-Alan! And I do not believe that Karen and I were children who were prone to glomming(?) onto anything. We, if you will but recall, were perfect little angels!

  6. I am afraid that I am going to have to agree with Karen on this one, although not totally. I remember it as ‘S-Alan! And I do not believe that Karen and I were children who were prone to glomming(?) onto anything. We, if you will but recall, were perfect little angels!

    I’d expect you to agree with her, of course. It just means you’re both wrong.

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