KJToo

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a blog! It’s an ordered list! It’s the Top Ten Superhero Movies as ranked by me!

10. Batman: The Movie (1966). The Dark Knight makes three separate appearances on this list and this is arguably the least dark of his incarnations; in fact, I’ve previously referred to the relative darkness of the Adam West version of Gotham’s nocturnal vigilante1 as “a skim milk vanilla latté with a shot of raspberry syrup”. Batman: The Movie is classic, campy fun that still makes me chuckle,2 but this movie proves that superheroes don’t have to be dark and gritty to be enjoyable.

9. Superman: The Movie (1978). Superman movies trouble me. Christopher Reeve was a fantastic Man of Steel,3 but I’ve never really been a fan of the “funny” Lex Luthor. Why pit the most powerful man on the planet against a clown with delusions of grandeur? How about a villain who actually has a menacing presence on the screen?4

Most people I know would probably rank Superman II higher than the original, what with Terence Stamp and all that business about kneeling before Zod. In truth, the first two movies kind of blend together for me and I don’t really consider them separate entities.

8. Batman (1989). The first movie I ever stood in line for on opening day, Tim Burton’s Batman pretty much revived the superhero genre. Michael Keaton was surprisingly good in the dual role of Bruce Wayne/Batman, but it is Jack Nicholson who stole the show as the maniacal Joker. Unfortunately, this set a bad precedent for bringing in big-name actors to portray the villains and The Shumachery that followed damn near marched the genre off a cliff in a rubber-nippled batsuit.

7. Spider-Man (2002). All hail Sam Raimi for bringing the web-slinger to the big screen! Now please, stop making superhero movies. Though Spider-Man 2 had a better villain and better action sequences, the overabundance of whining and preaching knocks it down several pegs in terms of sheer enjoyment. We will not speak of Spider-Man 3. Is that understood? We will not speak of it.

6. The Incredibles (2004). Here’s a special beast: a well-made superhero movie that was not adapted from a comic book. Actually, The Incredibles has roots in a whole slew of comic books, especially Fantastic Four (the movie adaptation of which only wishes it could be The Incredibles). For sheer imaginitive use of superpowers, no movie has yet matched this one.

5. X-Men (2000). In 1997, Joel Schumacher drove what I thought might be the final nail into the coffin of not only the Batman movie franchise, but into the entire superhero movie genre. Then along game Bryan Singer, Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart to revive it. Sure, Halle Berry, James Marsden and a bunch of other folks were along for the ride, but let’s face it, X-Men fans only cared about two things: getting Captain Jean-Luc Picard into Professor Xavier’s wheelchair and finding the right guy to wield Logan’s adamantium potato peelers. Ian McKellan as Magneto was icing on the cake. As for the other X-Mean…yeah, whatever, we got Patrick Stewart, baby!

Unfortunately, Bryan Singer went on to murderize Superman Returns while Brett Ratner came in to do the same to X-Men: The Last Stand.

4. X2: X-Men United (2003). Why does the sequel rank higher than the original? Two reasons: Brian Cox and BAMF! Brian Cox plays an excellent bad guy; the perfect antagonist to Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine. ‘Nuff said on that. Now on to the other thing: Nightcrawler’s teleportation attack on the White House was simply stunning. I spent the following five minutes trying to reattach my lower jaw and to this day I’m still not sure what happened immediately after that scene.

3. Batman Begins (2005). Holy franchise resurrection, Batman! Director Christopher Nolan rolled the stone away from the tomb and we found that George Clooney was gone—replaced with the American Psycho himself, Christian Bale. The retelling of Bruce Wayne’s transformation into the Dark Knight Detective is the grittiest silver screen version of the Batman to date, and the Gotham-under-siege storyline lays a solid foundation for a resuscitated series.

2. Hellboy (2004). How much do I love this movie? Let me put it this way: I wish I had not one but two wombs so I could have both Guillermo del Toro’s and Ron Perlman’s babies. That is all.

1. Iron Man (2008). The latest is, indeed, the greatest. Jon Favreau is clearly an Iron Man fan, because he got everything right: casting, story, special effects, pacing, beards; it’s all brilliant. Iron Man is the first movie I’ve seen in quite a while that had me wanting to stay in the theater and watch it again after the end credits had rolled. Speaking of end credits, if you haven’t seen Iron Man yet (and you should), be sure to stick around for an extra piece of geekery after they roll.

As the self-appointed Arbiter of Superhero Movie Worthiness, I declare that this list is truth absolute5 and its accuracy is above question. However, if you should wish to offer your opinions on the topic—whether they rightly align with my own or not—you are encouraged to do so in the comments.

1. Actually, Adam West and Burt Ward do most of their crimefighting in broad daylight. [back]
2. ”Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” [back]
3. Brandon Routh did a find job of imitating Christopher Reeve in Superman Returns, but that was just about the only thing worthwhile in the entire movie. [back]
4. Sorry, Nuclear Man, you’re about as menacing as Gunther Gebel-Williams with a head cold. [back]
5. Until my whim changes and I update it. [back]

Posted May 20, 2008 Comments(22)

I don’t make a habit of directly copying what we post over at The Secret Lair, but I think this unfortunate occasion warrants an exception to the rule.

C.A. Sizemore has been a fan of The Secret Lair since day one. He has provided us with feedback and even contributed a manuscript that we simply haven’t gotten around to publishing yet. C.A. has been with us since long before The Secret Lair became a reality: he followed us here from The House of the Harping Monkey and Volcanicast, where he was a loyal, involved fan. I’m hard-pressed to think of a podcast that C.A. doesn’t listen to and equally hard-pressed to think of a podcaster who doesn’t know him. He is the best kind of fan we could possibly ask for and we are all lucky to have him.

This morning C.A.’s wife, Kelly, passed away unexpectedly. Our hearts, thoughts, prayers and deepest condolences are with C.A. in this difficult and tragic time.

I’ve taken down the tip jar because there is something better you can do with your money today: you can give a little to help someone who has always been there for us, a loyal fan like no other. Please visit the donation site established by Mae Breakall and give what you can to help C.A. cover the expenses that tragic events like these always incur.

Posted May 12, 2008 Comments(0)

Another birthday has come and gone and I have officially fallen out of the target demographic. Only a few days ago I was still in the “18 - 34″ range, the folks to whom marketers constantly pander their movies and video games, their sexy body sprays and their late night talk shows. Until Saturday, my opinion counted. Now the only thing marketers want to know from me is whether I find my fiber supplement too gritty or if blue is really the best color for a certain little pill.

What a load of crap.

The truth is, I love birthdays. I love them because I’m surrounded by people who get me. Friday night Laura prepared a Tex-Mex feast: black bean fajita pizza, taco pizza, and all the trimmings for tacos y burritos. My in-laws came over for dinner and birthday cake, the boys came over for a Very Special Game Night, and Kyle helped me blow out an obscene number of candles.

After everyone had eaten, we played Descent a dungeon-crawl board game from Fantasy Flight Games, the folks who brought you Arkham Horror and Marvel Heroes. As with the aforementioned Horror and Heroes, Descent is jam-packed with fiddly bits and rules that describe how those fiddly bits are to be utilized. This leads to play sessions that last several hours. The game wrapped up after midnight, when the evil overlord crushed the pathetic do-gooders (except for my mage, who kicked acres of ass and was never slain) beneath his evil boot.

Miscellaneous G™ was the aforementioned overlord, and—to be frank—I don’t think he has the stomach for villainy. I got the distinct feeling that he was going easy on us. Even so, he did manage to emerge from the dungeon victorious. Or perhaps he didn’t emerge at all; perhaps he’s still down there, spawning beast men into empty rooms in preparation for the next party of foolhardy, ill-prepared adventurers.

On Saturday when Kyle was taking his nap, I went shopping. I had a little gift card goodness burning a hole in my wallet and the only remedy was to amass stuff. Here’s the rundown on the loot:

• Alien vs. Predator: Requiem 2-disc Unrated Digital Copy Special Edition. This is where my blind belief that more discs equates to better finally bit me on the ass. The Digital Copy Special Edition does indeed include a second disc, the contents of which do not include special features above and beyond what is on the first disc. The second disc contains the movie in three different file formats designed for use with portable media devices (e.g. video iPod, iPhone, Microsoft Zune). I don’t own such a device, so the second disc is essentially useless to me. You’d think after thirty-five years on the planet I might have learned a little something about comparison shopping, but you—like me—would be sorely mistaken.
• Dark City. Here’s a movie that really, really needs a special edition DVD. I’ve been holding off on picking it up until such a special edition was released, but finally realized that the only way to ensure a new release is for me to buy the current, unspecial edition.1
• Rush: A Show of Hands concert DVD. A Show of Hands was (along with Dvorak’s Symphony No. 9, “From The New World”, both on cassette) the first album I ever owned. I acquired it as a “prize” for selling magazine subscriptions in my sophomore year of high school.2 I’ve got a lot of memories of that album; along with Yello’s Stella, A Show of Hands was the soundtrack for much of my mis-spent computer gaming youth.3
• Deadwood soundtrack. It’s nearly two minutes into the album before Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) utters the word “cocksucker”; I believe that’s about a minute and a half longer than it took in the first episode of the series. There’s some very, very good music on this CD. Gustavo Santaolalla’s “Iguazu” in particular is very evocative of the tense, edgy feel of the series, though it probably wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t so closely associate the two.
• The Nymphos of Rocky Flats by Mario Acevedo. I’ve heard good things about this war-veteran-turned-vampire-private-detective novel, so I thought it was high time I picked it up. The sequels are titled X-Rated Bloodsuckers and The Undead Kama Sutra, but I can’t imagine they’re any raunchier than the Anita Blake novels Laurell K. Hamilton continues to crank out on a weekly basis.
• Idlewild by Nick Sagan. If I have my way, this will be the next title in The Secret Library. I’ve never read any of Nick Sagan’s stuff, but there is reality of an entirely virtual nature, which ought to prove interesting provided it in no way resembles Second Life.

Kyle helped Laura pick out a very nice Marvel t-shirt featuring Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Wolverine and the Incredible Hulk. The print on the shirt seems designed to make me wear it untucked. I only point this out because Laura frequently urges me to wear t-shirts untucked but I am compelled to tuck. I suspect it is a weakness of character on my part.

I also received some very funny birthday cards and one, from my younger brother, from which Spongebob Squarepants shouts “One more year! One more year! One more super-duper year! One more super-duper, extra-spectacular…” when it is opened. Yeah. Kyle likes that one. Again and again and again.

1. For supporting historical data, see the Hellboy 3-disc Special Edition. [back]
2. Yes, I was nearly 16 years old before I started buying my own music. [back]
3. What was I playing? Why Thexder and Pool of Radiance and The Ancient Art of War at Sea, for starters. Plenty of others, too, but many of them had their own soundtracks. [back]

Posted May 12, 2008 Comments(5)

I probably should have written this on Friday, but I was too busy composing my pre-Shutdown Day entry. Had I written and posted this on Saturday, I would have been in violation of Shutdown Day and the Internet police would have locked me away in a virtual prison.1 Sunday was…well, I’d hate to ruin a perfectly good Monday with talk of this particular Sunday.

So, what’d I write at the coffee shop last week? Well, it was a short week.

Monday

Chris had conflicting plans and wasn’t able to make it to the coffee shop, so I decided that my desire to sleep past 7:30 would conflict with my writing and I bailed, too.

Tuesday

I started writing a script for something Chris and I are doing for The Secret Lair.

Later, I wrote an eleven hundred word short story, complete with beginning, middle and end. This is a rarity for me, as anyone who follows this blog will be aware. I won’t lie: it left me with a sense of accomplishment. But…I didn’t write it at the coffee shop, so once again it doesn’t count.

Wednesday

I have no idea what, if anything, I wrote on Wednesday. Yet I know for a fact that I was at the coffee shop, consumed 20 oz. of decaffeinated brew, and had my laptop. Or perhaps I was abducted by aliens. From outer space. And they stole my words.

Thursday

Thursday was the first of May, so I used my time at the coffee shop to compost my annual ode to Jonathan Coulton and the joys of…interfacing in the great outdoors.

Friday

Chris wasn’t able to make it to the coffee shop so naturally I was there early, for a change. I’ve been rolling in at about 7:53 for our 7:45 session for a week and a half and the one day Chris isn’t there I show up 25 minutes early. Typical. So I fired up the iPod and wrote the aforementioned Shutdown Day post.

This week, we’re supposed to write something that we can exchange with one another for critique, so blog posts probably won’t cut it. Which means I’ve just blown a day. So typical.

1. Unfortunately for Interprison, files are easy to smuggle in; no cake required, just send it via FTP. Ba-dum-ching. [back]

Posted May 5, 2008 Comments(0)

I received an invitation to BrightKite this morning, a service that—by most accounts—seems to be Twitter with location tracking.1 Why would I want the entire Internets to know where I am when I post my inane, 140-character updates?2 I haven’t figured that out, yet. What I do know is that I have an irrational desire to create accounts and set up my profile on every newfangled, whizbang Web 2.0 “service” that comes down a series of tubes, regardless of whether I’ll actually get any real use out of it.

So here is BrightKite. Will it become the next Twitter, or will it become a Jaiku (which I use occasionally) or a Pownce (which I don’t use at all)? Time will tell, but BrightKite has one feature that none of the others do: love.

Almost immediately upon signing in to BrightKite, I noticed I had a friend request from Chris Miller. “Good ol’ Chris Miller!” thought I, and immediately accepted his request and designated him a “trusted friend”.3 I’m sure that means something extra special, like giving him access to my library records or making him executor of my will…whatever—I’ll get around to the particulars later. The important thing is that it puts a little heart next to his name.

Awww, isn’t that sweet?

Thanks, BrightKite. Thanks for bringing the love back to the Internets.

1. And some sort of photo feature, from the looks of it. [back]
2. Why would people want to read my inane, 140-character updates? Because I bring the funny. We’ve been over this. [back]
3. Am I naïve and foolhardy to place this kind of trust in another man? Perhaps, but if trusting Chris is wrong, then I don’t want to be right! [back]

Posted May 2, 2008 Comments(0)