KJToo

The Saturday SciFi movies are really starting to pile up on my DVR, and I’ve been looking for an opportunity to sit down for a little schlock-fest. That opportunity has arisen: Laura and Kyle have gone to Florida for a week with my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and her family. I had originally planned to go, too, but the timing isn’t ideal from a work perspective, so I opted to stay home. This leaves me in a very quiet house with two cats, an Xbox, a PC with yet another dying hard drive, and a DVR chock full of movies from “The Most Dangerous Night of Television”.

Here’s just a sampling of the movies I’ll be enjoying over the next seven days:

• Alien Lockdown. Two words: Martin Kove. Yeah, the dude from Hard Time on Planet Earth.1 Yeah, I’m the only one who remembers that show. So what? Oh, and it was directed by Tim Cox, the fellow who brought us Mammoth.2
• Anaconda 3: The Offspring starring David Hasselhoff and John Rhys-Davies. That’s right, snakes hasslin’ the Hoff.
• Aztec Rex. Dinosaurs and conquistadors in Mesoamerica!
• BloodMonkey. Yes! Pan Sanguia! I really have no idea what this is about, but the title is made of awesome.
• Beyond/Beneath Loch Ness. The DVR says “Beneath”, but SciFi.com says “Beyond“. Which will it be?
• Ghouls. Something about teenagers, probably getting eaten. By ghouls, I guess.
• Living Hell. “The military created it. An accident set it free. Now one man must lead us to survival or extinction.” I hope that one man is Vincent Ventresca. It’s not? Crap, we’re screwed.
• Odysseus: Voyage to the Underworld starring Arnold Vosloo, because they got Jet Li for the second Mummy sequel.
• Rise: Blood Hunter. Lucy Liu! Michael Chiklis! Robert Forster! Why is this the first time I’m hearing of this movie?

That’s just a sampling. I know there are a couple more, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head.

1. And also a little film called The Karate Kid. [back]
2. Well, brought me Mammoth, because I know I’m the only one who watched that. [back]

[EDIT: The Great Superhero Movie Project now has its own page. You may leave movie suggestions and/or comments here or there.]

I’ve gotten some interesting feedback (both in the comments here and on Twitter) regarding my Top Ten Superhero Movies Since the Dawn of Time lists. Some folks agree with me, some don’t, but the question I hear most often usually begins with words along these lines: “Hey, you forgot about…”

And I did. The first time around, I definitely snubbed Mystery Men; after the second iteration The Kingfish wondered where (or if) Hancock placed on the list, David Mead asked about Darkman and Rachel “Nycteris” Ross brought up Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

I Have a Plan

I’m not one to leave a stone unturned—whether that stone was bitten by radioactive bats, sent to Earth by a race of alien vampires or just found some sexy tights and decided to start kicking people in the face—so I’ve come up with a plan to turn all the stones in one fell swoop.

Okay, two fell swoops.

The First Swoop: My Job - Two Lists

First, I’m going to make two lists: every superhero movie I’ve ever seen and superhero movies I know about but haven’t seen.

The Second Swoop: Your Job - The Third List

Second, I want you to submit movies that I’ve overlooked. Yes, you. If you’re reading this and you’re aware of a superhero movie that is not on either of my lists, I want you to comment here and tell me about it. I’ll add all of these to my third list: superhero movies I didn’t know (or forgot) existed.

The Third Swoop: My Job - Watch, Rate, Review

Oh, wait, there’s a third fell swoop: I’m going to watch every one of the movies on all three lists. If I haven’t seen the movie in the past two years, I’m going to watch or re-watch it and then I’m going to write a review (unless I’ve already written one, in which case I may tweak an existing review).

Sound like fun? Sound like a lot of work? It might be, but let me set up some guidelines here so we don’t get all crazy-go-nuts with the lists. Pay attention.

What is a Superhero Movie?

• The “movie” part of the definition is easy: All movies, whether they were theatrical releases, straight to DVD or even made for television; if it’s a movie, it gets on the list. Note that movies made as pilots for or as direct spinoffs of a television series don’t count, so The Incredible Hulk starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno is not eligible,1 but Captain America II: Death Too Soon starring Reb Brown and Christopher Lee is.
• The tricky bit of the definition is “superhero”, as I’ve already been asked whether Transformers is a superhero movie (it’s not) and if Hellboy should count (it does). I can’t exactly pin the energon cube on why Transformers doesn’t qualify; it just doesn’t. Comic book movie, yes; superhero movie, no.2 I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll decide whether a movie qualifies as superheroic or not. If you’re not sure, nominate it and if I reject it I’ll do my best to tell you why.
• Superheroes do not need to be in or come from comic books to be eligible. The Incredibles is a great example of an original superhero movie that was not a comic book first. Black Scorpion is also an example, though under no circumstances should the word “great” be associated with it.
• Oh, and movie serials aren’t elibigle. They’re just not.
• If in doubt, nominate.

The First List - Superhero Movies I’ve Seen

1. Batman: The Movie (1966)
2. Batman (1989)
3. Batman Returns (1992)
4. Batman Forever (1995)
5. Batman & Robin (1997)
6. Batman Begins (2005)
7. The Dark Knight (2008)
8. Black Scorpion (1995)
9. Captain America (1979)
10. Captain America II: Death Too Soon (1979)
11. Captain America (1990)
12. Catwoman (2004)
13. Daredevil (2003)
14. Darkman (1992)
15. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1994)
16. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996)
17. Doctor Strange (Animated, 2007)
18. Elektra (2005)
19. Fantastic Four (2005)
20. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
21. Ghost Rider (2007)
22. Hellboy (2004)
23. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
24. Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms (2006) [Added 19 July 2008]
25. Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron (2007) [Added 19 July 2008]
26. Hulk (2003)
27. The Incredible Hulk (2008)
28. The Incredibles (Animated, 2004)
29. The Invincible Iron Man (Animated, 2007)
30. Iron Man (2008)
31. Justice League: The New Frontier (2008) [Added 18 July 2008]
32. Lightspeed (2006)
33. Mystery Men (1999)
34. The Phantom (1996)
35. The Punisher (1989)
36. The Punisher (2004)
37. The Shadow (1994)
38. Spider-Man (2002)
39. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
40. Spider-Man 3 (2007)
41. Superman (1978)
42. Superman II (1980)
43. Superman III (1983)
44. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
45. Superman Returns (2006)
46. Superman: Doomsday (2008) [Added 19 July 2008]
47. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
48. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
49. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time (1993)
50. TMNT (2007)
51. Ultimate Avengers (Animated, 2006)
52. Ultimate Avengers 2: Rise of the Panther (Animated, 2006)
53. Unbreakable (2000)
54. X-Men (2000)
55. X2: X-Men United (2003)
56. X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Okay, that’s a lot of movies, many of which I haven’t watched in well over two years. Some of them, like the 1994 never-released version of The Fantastic Four, will be a bit tricky to track down, but I’ll do my best. For science!

The Second List - Superhero Movies I Haven’t Seen

1. Black Mask (1996)
2. Black Mask 2: City of Masks (2002)
3. Black Scorpion II: Aftershock (1997)
4. Blankman (1994) [Added 19 July 2008]
5. Dr. Strange (1978)
6. Fantastic Four (1994)
7. Hancock (2008)
8. The Meteor Man (1993) [Added 19 July 2008]
9. Silver Hawk (2004)
10. Steel (1997)
11. Underdog (2007)

That’s a short list. Much shorter than I anticipated. It may get even shorter if I decide to disqualify Black Mask and Silver Hawk in order to prevent a deluge of martial arts movies masquerading as superhero movies. A guy has to set limits somewhere, right?

The Third List - The Ones I Don’t Know About

Now it’s your turn: if you know of a superhero movie I missed, please leave a comment and nominate it!

1. This includes The Incredible Hulk Returns, The Trial of The Incredible Hulk and The Death of the Incredible Hulk, movies that were made after the series was cancelled. Don’t worry, these will all be eligible for a future list: The Best Television Superheroes in the History of Televising Superheroics. [back]
2. I’ll do a separate Comic Book Movie list later, so all you 300 fangirls can nominate your favorite computer-enhanced pectoral muscles. [back]

I have now seen all1 of this summer’s slate of superhero movies. I’ll do a more in-depth write up shortly, but for those wondering whether The Dark Knight managed to unseat Iron Man from the number one position on my list of the Top Superhero Movies of Forever and Ever, Amen, the short answer is no.

The slightly longer answer is: not by a long shot.

The Dark Knight is not a bad movie—I gave it a solid 7 out of 10 stars—but it’s note a great movie, either. I’ll be posting a full review in the next couple of days, so let’s get back to the list.

Though Iron Man remains safely (for now; Watchmen is coming and the trailer is absolutely stunning) in the top spot, the summer blockbusters have shaken things up a bit in the middle and lower ranks.

Without going into excruciating detail, here are The Ten Superhero Movies (Summer 2008 Edition):

1. Iron Man
2. Hellboy
3. Batman Begins
4. X2: X-Men United
5. The Dark Knight
6. X-Men
7. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
8. The Incredible Hulk
9. The Incredibles
10. Spider-Man

Something feels a bit off about the middle of this list; I may have to tweak it a bit once I’ve written reviews of The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk and Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

1. Oops! Forgot about Hancock, starring The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Sorry, Will! [back]

Matthew Wayne Selznick’s Brave Men Run: A Novel of the Sovereign Era is the latest podiobook to make the jump to the print market. The book will be released by Swarm Press this Sunday, 13 July 2008, and Matt has planned a day-long “Book Release Web-a-thon” to help promote sales on Amazon.com. There are plenty of details at the the book’s official site but the gist is this: beginning at 10am EST on Sunday and continuing every hour throughout the day, Matt will be streaming live video and reading new short stories set in the universe of his novels. Contributors include Mur Lafferty (Playing For Keeps), J.C. Hutchins (the 7th Son trilogy), Nathan Lowell (South Coast, Quarter Share) and other well-known podcasters and podiobook authors.

Brave Men Run is the story of Nate Charters, a teenaged boy who is about as far from normal as teenagers get: he looks different and he has abilities that he has kept hidden from his peers for his entire life. But when the existence of the so-called “Sovereigns” is announced on live television, Nate learns that he is not alone, and his life changes forever. Brave Men Run is a superhero coming-of-age story that doesn’t feel like it was lifted from the pages of a comic book, but rather like it was born in the halls of your own high school and on the streets of your home town.

Brave Men Run: A Novel of the Sovereign Era is still available as a free, serialized audiobook at Podiobooks.com, read by the author. The audio version was nominated for a Parsec Award in 2006.

In the dead of night, while all the world slumbered and creatures of unspeakable horror stirred beneath billions of beds, the latest episode of Pseudopod, The Sound of Horror, emerged from its glistening cocoon. Go, now, and listen to Among the Moabites by Michael Hartford, a tale of unexpected visitors and a little voyeurism. (Caution: Pseudopod is intended for mature audiences.)