Welcome to Parenthood: 30 Months


Sidewalk NapSomewhere just before the two-year mark, parents typically stop reporting their child’s age in months. I had planned to report my young apprentice’s age in weeks until he legally became an adult, but that plan dropped by the wayside when I forgot to actually keep track of how many weeks old he is. I could have easily written a widget to manage that little bit of data for me, but it’s a little late in the game to go back to tracking the weeks; the last thing I want to be is gimmicky.

Kyle will not technically be thirty months old until the thirteenth of July but I suspect that, developmentally, not a whole lot will change in the next six days. On the other hand, he picks things up very quickly these days, so I suppose it’s possible that he might potty-train, count to twelve, learn to read and develop a cheap, clean and completely renewable energy source by next week. That’s just how far the Pendulum of Parental Expectations™ swings these days.

Yesterday, as I sat on the couch with a box of tissues trying to cope with an allergy attack, Kyle climbed on to my lap, looked up my nose and declared, “You got a boogie, Daddy.” He then climbed off my lap and headed for the stairs. “I get it!” he exclaimed as he ascended. He disappeared into the master bedroom and emerged a moment later, descending the stairs with a cotton swab clutched in his hand.

Laura and I occasionally use cotton swabs to clean Kyle’s nose when he has a particularly crusty cold, but those swabs are in a small box, tucked away in his room where he (ostensibly) can’t get at them. However, after watching daddy’s post-shower rituals on occasion, Kyle knows that there are cotton swabs in a jar we keep on a shelf over the toilet in the master bathroom; a toilet that he sometimes climbs when he wants to wash his hands with daddy.

So, Kyle descended with the cotton swab he got out of our bathroom 1Time, I think, to move the cotton swabs. and climbed back onto my lap. “Oh,” I said, reaching for the swab, “thank you!”

“I get it!” he repeated, and before I could stop him he jammed the tip of the cotton swab up my left nostril.

I don’t know if he got the boogie, but I managed to stop him short of drawing blood. Not, however, short of causing a firestorm of agony in my nose.

Tree HuggerA very helpful and considerate firestorm of agony. And that made it worth the pain.

1 Time, I think, to move the cotton swabs.

12 responses to “Welcome to Parenthood: 30 Months”

  1. Greg Avatar

    Cute story. We introduced our 1-year-old to the zoo this weekend, where she mainly just pointed at a lot of animals. Pointing was the main activity at the zoo.

    As far as measuring age, you’ll notice that I call her a 1-year-old despite the fact that she’s actually nearing 14 months. Somehow, it always bugged me when a parent said their child was 19 months and you were forced to stop and do math. I’ve got nothing against math; my only gripe is against annoying math. And so Lia is one. She will be one and a half, and then she will be two.

  2. Nycteris Avatar

    That’s a wonderful story! (Nose agony aside.)

  3. Jahnoth Avatar


    Just wait until he’s at the age where he likes to tackle you when you come through the door after work, and his head is at just the “right” height…

  4. Kris Avatar

    @Jahnoth – He’s already at the right height for headbutting daddy in the crotch.

    “Oooof!” I exclaim after he pummels my nethers with his forehead. “You just killed your brother!”

  5. Kris Avatar

    @Greg – It’s all about the significant digits, eh?

  6. Kris Avatar

    @Nycteris – Thanks. He really is a very considerate boy, he just doesn’t realize that some tasks require a certain amount of fine motor control that he currently lacks.

  7. Jahnoth Avatar

    @Jahnoth – So you ARE looking at having more, eh? 🙂

    1. Kris Avatar

      @Jahnoth – It has not been ruled out as a possibility. In any case, I just want Kyle to know the score.

  8. Rob Avatar

    Yes, you’ve definitely reached the age where your child wants to “help” you (or as my boy says: “halp?”). And by “help” I mean “murder” or “maim.”

    1. Kris Avatar

      @Rob – There have been no unintentional attempts on my life. Yet.

  9. Claire Avatar

    OK, I’ve been catching up on some of the comments on your website and I must admit, Scott and I are literally in tears laughing at this moment.

    1. Kris Avatar

      @Claire — I’m glad our little adventures are amusing. I know Kyle makes me laugh every day, and it’s nice to be able to share some of that.

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