KJToo

Someone has to say it: Dora the Explorer is a complete ripoff of The Lord of the Rings.

Let’s review:

• Dora is a short person from a fantastical land who is called upon to deliver an item to a faraway place. On her journey (or quest), she must overcome a number of obstacles and often encounters strange creatures.
• Frodo Baggins is a short person from a fantastical land who is called upon to deliver an item (The One Ring) to a faraway place (The Cracks of Doom in Mordor). On his quest, he encounters strange creatures and must overcome a number of obstacles.
• Dora is accompanied by a loyal companion (also short) named Boots.
• Frodo Baggins is accompanied by a loyal companion (also short) named Samwise Gamgee.
• Dora is often joined by companions of different species: Isa the Iguana and Benny the Bull, to name two.
• Frodo Baggins is joined by companions of different races: Gimli the Dwarf and Legolas the Elf, to name two.
• Dora is pursued by Swiper the Fox, a conniving-yet-cowardly thief who wants to steal something she is carrying.
• Frodo Baggins is pursued by Gollum, a conniving-yet-cowardly thief who wants to steal The One Ring.
• Dora is eventually joined by Diego, an animal rescuer who is skilled at tracking and outdoor survival.
• Frodo Baggins is eventually joined by Aragorn, a ranger who is skilled at tracking and outdoor survival.
• Dora must often solve puzzles using words and phrases in another language (Spanish).
• Frodo Baggins was unable to enter the Mines of Moria until the word “friend” was spoken in another language (Elvish).

Of course, there are a few elements of Dora the Explorer that aren’t ripped straight out of The Lord of the Rings…or are there? Let’s consider:

• Dora has a magical backpack that contains whatever object she might need to solve a puzzle or overcome an obstacle. There’s no magical backpack in The Lord of the Rings, but Dora’s backpack sounds an awful lot like a Bag of Holding from the Dungeons & Dragons roleplaying game (which was around decades before Dora the Explorer), and everyone knows that Dungeons & Dragons is the King of All Lord of the Rings Ripoffs.
• Frodo Baggins is led by Gandalf, a wise old wizard who tells him which way to go and, ultimately, leads him into dire peril. Dora is rarely seen in the company of old men, wise or otherwise. True enough, but she does consult with a magical, talking map that tells her how to get to her destination, typically through waypoints that are fraught with peril (windy bridges, treacherous mountains, and the like). The Map may not be carrying a staff or wearing a pointy hat, but he definitely fills the “magical guide” role. (“Tell Frodo he has to go through the Mines of Moria, over the Fields of Pellenor and up Aman Amarth!”)

I’m sure there will be naysayers; those who call this evidence “circumstantial” or “coincidental” and point out that “Nickelodeon” isn’t really an anagram of “J.R.R. Tolkien”. You know: nutjobs. But to the rest of you—those who can see Middle Earth in the unnamed South American country in which Dora resides—I extend an invitation to show me more. Peel the veil further back to expose more proof. What have I missed? What more is there?

Posted September 9, 2009 Comments(8)

Today, a week and a half after initial installation, all Time-Warner systems appear to be go. Here’s the timeline as best I can recall it:

1. Monday, 29 December. The technician arrives at precisely 10:30am, slightly outside of the 8-10am appointment window. On the bright side, he is able to use one of the existing DirecTV coaxial cables I ran when I set up our entertainment closet.1 This means no additional holes in the house and a very rapid hookup; he’s in and out in roughly half an hour.
2. Wednesday, 31 December. The Time-Warner/Viacom debacle comes to light and I call Time-Warner Northeast Ohio to let them know that I am not at all happy about it. Thankfully, the two companies decided to play nice at the last minute.
3. Thursday, 01 January. I notice that several channels, including most of the local Cleveland channels have video but no audio. I plan to call Time-Warner for service, but forget. I am also not thrilled to discover that our cable package does not include Noggin, BBC America, or most of the OnDemand features that the customer service representative pitched me when I made the initial installation appointment. Apparently in her eagerness to save me a few bucks on the television/digital phone/high-speed Internet bundle she eliminated the “Digital Basic” tier that includes the aforementioned features and channels.
4. Tuesday, 06 January. The technician arrives a few minutes before 9:00am, well within the 8-10am appointment window. Unfortunately, he spends over an hour trying to get the phone jack in my office (which was there when we took ownership of the International House of Johnson, but never worked) connected to the rest of the house. Eventually, he installs a new jack and gets the phones up and running. While observing the technician’s frustration, determination and ultimate triumph, I completely forget to mention the audio issue on the television.
5. Tuesday, 06 January. Twenty minutes after the technician leaves, I’m on the phone with Time-Warner Cable technical support. My attempts to set up voice mail are unsuccessful, as following the instructions left by the technician results in only a busy signal.2 While on hold, I remember that I also need to get the audio issue resolved, so I cycle through the first 100 or so channels on the television and find that seven channels have no audio and in one case the audio is severely distorted. The person I eventually talk to resets both the voice mail service and the cable box, but only the voice mail issue is resolved. I make an appointment for Thursday morning to have a technician check the audio problem locally.
6. Tuesday, 06 January. While verifying that we have long-distance service, I discover that dialing a “1″ before the area code does not seem to work. I can hear the phone dialing, but I do not hear it ring or connect. Omitting the “1″ before dialing long distance appears to  resolve the issue, so I don’t take it up with Time-Warner. I later learn that the calls dialed with the leading “1″ were actually going through, but there was apparently no sound for either party.
7. Tuesday, 06 January. Laura calls me at work in the afternoon to let me know that outgoing calls are working fine, but incoming calls have sound problems. By the time I get home from work in the evening, both this issue and the strange long distance issue appear to have resolved themselves.
8. Wednesday, 07 January. Caller ID appears on our television when we receive a phone call. This feature, which takes approximately 24 hours from the time of digital phone service installation to be activated, may be the first thing that has worked correctly exactly when I was told it would, exactly as I expected it.
9. Thursday, 08 January. Two Time-Warner vans converge on the International House of Johnson shortly after 10am, right on time for the 10am-12pm appointment window. After I explain the problem, both technicians immediately sieze upon the fact that SAP3 is enabled on the cable box. Once SAP is disabled, the audio issue is resolved.4 The second technician indicates that occasionally a software update on the cable box will cause SAP to be enabled.

My initial impression of the services is as follows:

• Internet. Nothing has changed here. We’ve been very happy with our 7-megabit connection, and I think Laura would rather be set upon by wolves than lose it. When she reviewed the promotional material for AT&T’s U-Verse, she determined that we would have to downgrade our Internet speed and immediately ruled it out.
• Digital Phone. It’s a telephone and it seems to be working like a telephone should (apart from the inital glitches, all of which have been resolved). I’m glad this service required a new cable modem, as the power connection on the old one was a bit dodgy.
• Television. The downside: DVR storage capacity and time-shift window are both significantly less than what we’re used to. The former is 50 hours vs. 100, the latter is 30 minutes vs. 90. We’ve also lost some channels, but that can be solved with a $5/month upgrade if we so desire. The user interface on the DVR is a bit weird, too. On the plus side, the response time between remote control and DVR seems much better than the DirecTV unit.

1. As a bonus, we’ve still got the DirecTV receiver connected to a single tuner, which gives us DirecTV service until 21 January, and there’s a free HBO weekend beginning on the 18th. [back]
2. Apparently, despite the advent of call waiting and voice mail, there is still such a thing as a busy signal. I almost didn’t recognize it at first. [back]
3. Secondary Audio Program. This feature allows television networks to broadcast in multiple languages simultaneously. In my experience, the Secondary Audio Program is typically in Spanish and accompanied by a “Simulcast en Español” banner at the beginning of a show. [back]
4. Apparently several stations simulcast absolute silence on the auxiliary audio channel, while WEWS in Cleveland broadcasts a heavily-distorted version of their primary audio. [back]

Posted January 8, 2009 Comments(2)

“Don’t panic.”

That’s what the Time-Warner Northeast Ohio customer service representative told me this morning. I think she was mistaking the irritation in my voice for fear. I’ve been a Time-Warner Cable television customer for all of 70 hours and already I’ve had to call customer service; this does not bode particularly well for our burgeoning relationship.

At issue: the Viacom debacle. As near as I can figure it, Viacom wants to wring more money out of Time-Warner for channels like Comedy Central, Nickelodeon and MTV. Because apparently people still watch MTV. Time-Warner, naturally, doesn’t want to shell out the dough, claiming that they’d have to (surprise!) raise their rates.

This morning, Viacom decided that negotiations weren’t going to cut it, so they resorted to something akin to extortion: a crawl across the bottom of their networks imploring Time-Warner customers to contact their cable provider if they didn’t want to lose shows like SpongeBob Squarepants when the ball drops in Times Square.1

At the International House of Johnson we do occasionally watch SpongeBob Squarepants, but losing The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report would be a deal-breaker. We rarely watch anything else on Comedy Central, because 90% of the programming on Comedy Central is crap, but The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are pretty much the only two shows that Laura and I watch together.

The Viacom crawl is, in my opinion, hitting below the belt as far as negotiations are concerned. It’s certainly not unprecedented, but it’s kind of a dirty trick. Viacom is essentially threatening to take their ball and go home if Time-Warner doesn’t play the game to their liking, but their crawl makes Time-Warner out to be the bad guy. According to one source, the price hike Viacom wants is triple the increase from their previous contract with Time-Warner, which translates (per Viacom) to roughly 25 cents per month per Time-Warner Cable subscriber.2 The crawl, quite naturally, fails to mention any of this.

But the crawl is effective. Laura asked me about it first thing this morning, as she’s not at all keen to lose Nickelodeon or Comedy Central, so I thought I’d give Time-Warner a call. The number provided in the crawl was experiencing “technical difficulties”, which I took to mean “a flood of calls from angry parents whose children want to watch SpongeBob tomorrow”.

At this point, I know that Viacom is playing dirty, but I called Time-Warner Northeast Ohio anyway. I was greeted with an automated message assuring me that negotiations to keep the Viacom networks were underway and wouldn’t I please just hang up because that’s all they could tell me.

Unfortunately for Time-Warner, they’re the new kid on the block as far as television providers in the International House of Johnson are concerned, and I was already annoyed to discover that having a digital cable box and subscribing to “extended basic” service is not the same as having “digital basic” service.3 Oh, and their installer was 30 minutes late on Monday.

So I waited on hold for a customer service representative. Poor Barbara got a bit of an earful as I explained that, should the Viacom networks disappear from my lineup, Time-Warner’s reign as the television provider in my house would be a very, very short one. My DirecTV receiver is still active4 and my digital phone service has yet to be installed, so it’s just a matter of who I call Monday morning to inform them that their services will no longer be required.

I’m not panicking, I’m just annoyed that—having been a satellite television subscriber for seven years with only two issues that I can recall—I switched to cable and wound up on the phone with customer service after less than three days.

UPDATE: Time-Warner CEO, Glenn Britt has issued a statement. Additionally, Viacom has allegedly threatened to block Time-Warner Cable Internet subscribers from accessing their free online content, such as episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

UPDATE: It certainly appears that Viacom is planning to block Time-Warner Cable Internet subscribers, if the pop-ups on sites like MTV.com are any indication. So, even though I currently put pennies in Viacom’s pocket because I’m still paying for DirecTV, because my Internet access is through Time-Warner I won’t be able to access free content on ComedyCentral.com. (I’ve seen the pop-up myself on that very site.) That’s really playing dirty, Viacom.

FINAL UPDATE (01 January 2009): Well, it looks like Time-Warner Cable and Viacom have reached a “an agreement in principle“, which means 13 million households can spend New Year’s Day in Bikini Bottom after all. As an aside, if one of your New Year’s resolutions was “no cable rate hikes”, you’re probably going to be breaking that one sooner than you expected.

1. Happy New Year! [back]
2. Time-Warner claims that this could set a precedent for other networks to demand higher rates and result in a $30-per-year increase for customers. [back]
3. Translation: Our current service plan does not include Noggin (another Viacom network, the one that features all of Kyle’s favorite shows), BBC America or the basic OnDemand features. [back]
4. In fact, the television was tuned to Noggin on DirecTV when Laura saw the Viacom crawl this morning. [back]

Posted December 31, 2008 Comments(12)

Over the past two years, my young apprentice has been a source of amusement, joy, amazement, wonder and, above all, pride. He has also been a source of frustration, befuddlement, more frustration and, on occasion, disappointment. Not disappointment in him, mind you, but disappointment in myself; in my clear failings as a parent.

I have to believe that every parent experiences moments of fear, denial and confusion when their offspring makes a choice that goes against every tenet of their upbringing. When, as parents, we witness these blatant affronts to our values, the question that echoes endlessly in our thoughts must certainly be, Where did I go so wrong?

And so it is with my young apprentice and his preference for Joe.

Yes, Joe. Not Steve, but Joe.

Where did I go so wrong? Did I not read to him enough in the first twenty-four months? Was I neglecting him in some manner crucial to his development? How can this have happened?

“Boo’s Coos!” he exclaims. “Boo’s Coos Joe!”

“How about Steve?” I ask, hopefully, poised to queue up “What Experiment Does Blue Want to Do?” or “Snack Time”.

“No!” is his reply. “Boo’s Coos Joe!”

So it is Joe that we watch. Joe in his orange shirt. Joe, whose real name isn’t even Joe, but Donovan Patton.1 Joe, who can’t even be bothered to draw in the notebook himself; instead, the clues simply appear in the notebook, then sing about themselves (“I’m scrunched up eyebrows!“).2 Joe, who, at the end of each episode, sings, “Me and you and our friend, Blue” instead of “Me and you and my dog, Blue.”3 Joe, who must, must, must somehow be responsible for the abomination that is Blue’s Room.4 Joe, who isn’t fit to sit down in the thinking chair and think, think, thi-i-ink.

Admittedly, we thirty-something parents are a little protective of our own precious memories, and the idea of our children latching on to some obviously inferior reimagining of our favorite childhood icon (e.g., Transformers Animated, Ruxpin: The Next Generation, any Star Wars film produced after 1983) chills us to the very core. But that does nothing to explain the bias I have with respect to the hosts of Blue’s Clues. The show came along well after I had stopped watching Nickelodeon (apart from SpongeBob Squarepants) and well before my young apprentice started; I had never really watched it prior to becoming a parent, and by the time my progeny arrived Joe had been the host for four years.

Despite the fact that my bias does not spring from the fear that the kids today are trampling all over my beloved childhood, I am biased. Perhaps it is basic human nature: an inherent belief that change is something to be feared and the original will always, always, always be the best.5 I don’t know; I’m neither psychologist nor social anthropologist. I am, I suppose, just a caveman, one who assumes a threatening posture and shrieks loudly whenever he hears Joe sing, “Come on in. What did you say? A clue! A clue!”

Therein lies the uncomfortable truth: there’s simply no logic to my preference for Steve. I feel a surge of hope on those all-too-rare occasions when my young apprentice says, “Boo’s Coos Steve! Geen Steve!” and a few seconds later, there he is: Steve in his green shirt. Steve, who somehow makes finding three blue pawprints a true adventure. Steve, who skidoos into a book or a painting like no one else can. Steve, whose true feelings for shy Miranda6 will forever be unspoken. Steve, who should never go off to college and leave poor Blue with his orange-shirt-wearing7 younger brother.

But all too soon it will be time for so long, and as Steve sings just one more song, I find myself fearing that the next time my young apprentice wants “Boo’s Coos” he will once again demand to see Joe, and the dreaded question will once again spring to mind: Where did I go so wrong?

1. Why the lies, “Joe”? What do you have to hide? [back]
2. More deception. Why do you even bother with the crayon, Joe? The whole thing is a giant farce with you. [back]
3. Because she’s not your dog, Joe! She’ll never be your dog! Blue will always be Steve’s dog, and I’ll bet that just eats away at you, doesn’t it? [back]
4. She talks! Blue talks! From what bizarre alternate reality did the notion that Blue talking would be a good idea originate? Are the strange beings who inhabit this universe also of the opinion that Chilly Willy, Snoopy and Charlie Brown’s teacher should speak coherent English as well? It’s madness! [back]
5. Team Knight Rider? What kind of psychotropic pixie dust do you need to be snorting to believe that could possibly work? [back]
6. Magenta’s owner, played by Shannon Walker Williams [back]
7. Joe also has a purple shirt, as well as a green one, but he is at his most duplicitous and untrustworthy when wearing orange. [back]

Posted April 8, 2008 Comments(17)

Greg Howley wanted to know what shows are filling up my DVR, so I thought I’d spill my digital, MPEG-encoded guts.

My Shows

• The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (Comedy Central) It’s probably not fair to lump these two together, but thanks to the technical foibles of DirecTV and/or Comedy Central, that’s the way I record them. Both are consistently funny, but the big laughs recently have come from The Colbert Report. When a guest remarked that Stephen clearly knew his Sunday school, Colbert quickly shot back, “I teach Sunday school, motherf***er.” The absolute wrongness of the statement had Laura and me nearly doubled over with laughter.
• Top Gear (BBC America) This is a show I wish I’d been watching for the past four (five? nine?) seasons. It’s a car show that you don’t have to be a car guy to like. Part Motor Trend, part Monty Python, part Junkyard Wars, all awesome. The most recent episode I watched featured one of the hosts, Richard Hammond, pitting a Bugatti Veyron against a Eurofighter Typhoon in a two-mile race. While Hammond drove the Bugatti from one end of a runway to the other and back, the fighter pilot took off, climbed a mile vertically, turned around and raced back to the finish line. Hammond described it as “the best race ever”, and it certainly made for entertaining television.
• The Spectacular Spider-Man (Kids’ WB) This just premiered last week, and I like what I see so far. As a Spider-Man fan, it’s good to see old villains like The Enforcers, The Vulture and Electro re-imagined. Some might call it an assault on their precious childhood memories, but The Vulture’s original costume was a cross between Cruella de Ville and Kermit the Frog, Electro had a giant electric starfish on his face, and The Enforcers (Montana, Fancy Dan and Ox) were rodeo hands.1 The first two episodes were very satisfying, and viewers familiar with the wall-crawler will quickly pick up on the fact that nearly everyone Peter Parker knows will ultimately become a villain. Apart from the overtly villainous characters in the hour-long premiere—plus The Kingpin, operating in the shadows and voiced by Keith David, if I’m not mistaken—Pete encounters Norman Osborn (who will eventually become The Green Goblin), Harry Osborn (ditto), Eddie Brock (destined to merge with an alien symbiote and become Venom) and Dr. Curt Connors (who, injecting himself with experimental reptilian goo, is already well on his way to becoming The Lizard).
• Transformers Animated (Cartoon Network) Here’s where I turn hypocrite, because this new version of the Transformers is an assault on my childhood. Optimus Prime is (sometimes) a fire engine! And he has a mouth! You should know how I feel about Optimus Prime having a mouth.2 Ratchet, the Autobots’ medic, has had a personality overhaul from the old comic book days, and in a recent episode, Soundwave, the coolest of the evil Decepticons3 was reduced to a bass-thumping, head-spinning, laser light-show, the kind used by wedding DJs or low rent discothéques. The Autobots hang around with Sari Sumdac, a young girl who has a key imbued with the essence of the Allspark. Sari uses the key to fix the Autobots after they scrap with the Decepticons, or to animate her father’s robotic creations (such as the Dinobots4 and the aforementioned Soundwave, who was built to Megatron’s specifications. Megatron, by the way, exists (for the nonce) only as a severed head, hidden away in Dr. Isaac Sumdac’s laboratory until he can gather his Decepticon minions and build himself a new body. Performed by Corey Burton, the Decepticon leader has the best non-guest star voice in the series.

Laura’s Shows

• Law & Order (NBC) Voted “Most Likely to Put Laura to Sleep”, the original Law & Order is actually quite entertaining (though I do miss Jerry Orbach). Alas, my poor wife can’t seem to make it all the way through an episode of the police/courtroom drama without drifting off into dreamland,5 which usually means that I see at least parts of each episode twice or more. Semi-interesting tidbit/filler: When Fred Thompson announced that he would consider exploring whether or not to announce his intention to possibly make a decision regarding a potential bid for the 2008 Republican Presidential nomination, his character, Arthur Branch, disappeared from the show and Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston) became the District Attorney. Michael Cutter (Linus Roache) stepped in as Executive Assistant District Attorney (thank you, Wikipedia) and it took me a half dozen episodes to realize that Roache played Bruce Wayne’s father, Thomas Wayne, in Batman Begins.
• Without A Trace (CBS) One of the most depressing shows I’ve ever watched, Without A Trace chronicles an FBI missing persons unit as they attempt to locate, yes, a missing person. They succeed more often than they fail, but when they fail, it’s usually because the missing person is also a dead person.
• CSI (CBS) Oh, dear. I don’t know that this is actually set to record. Excuse me while I correct that so we can get our weekly dose of forensic science and an entirely unrealistic expectation as to what can be done with a computer and some grainy black-and-white surveillance camera footage.
• Monk (USA) The second best detective show on USA (the best is the next bullet item, so just hold your horses) has the absolute worst theme song of any show currently produced for television.6 After eleven and a half years of marriage, Laura’s hatred for Randy Newman songs has leached into me like so much hexavelent chromium into groundwater. Theme song aside, the obsessive-compulsive detective portrayed by Tony Shalhoub is very amusing to watch, but I can’t look at Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (Ted Levine) without thinking about the lotion, the basket, and getting the hose again.
• Psych (USA) I probably enjoy this show more than Laura does, but I’m still putting it on her list. The non-stop barrage of (sometimes rather obscure) pop culture references from my childhood is almost as entertaining as the concept of the show: über-observant slacker makes a living as a psychic, helping the police solve all sorts of strange homicides.
• MI-5 (BBC America) While watching Top Gear last week, we saw several advertisements for the new season of MI-5 (né Spooks) on BBC America. Laura thought it looked interesting, so I added it to the list. The season premiere was last night, but we have yet to watch it.

Kyle’s Shows

• Sesame Street (PBS) Children’s television simply doesn’t get more old school than Sesame Street. The show has certainly changed since I last watched it with any regularity, but I think I miss Kermit the Frog’s fast-breaking news stories from fairy tales and fables the most. The story of why Kermit no longer appears on the show (except in the occasional older bit, such as “Do the Rubber Duck”) is a bit convoluted, but I’m sure if Jim Henson were still around “green frog” (as Elmo used to call him) would still have his Sesame Street press credentials.
• Max and Ruby (Nickelodeon/Noggin) Ruby is a seven-year-old bunny. Max is her younger brother. Where are their parents? Who can say? Grandma shows up from time to time (often for her own birthday party; bunnies must age fast) and there are plenty of Bunny Scouts around, but mostly it’s Max getting in Ruby’s way somehow. This show annoyed me at first, but has really grown on me.
• Blue’s Clues (Nickelodeon/Noggin) We prefer Steve to Joe, thank you very much. Steve actually drew in his handy, dandy notebook, whereas Joe’s notebook is entirely animated. Sometimes, after I’ve found all three paw prints, I sit down in my Thinking Chair and think, think, thiiii-ink…about where to hide Joe’s body. We will not discuss the travesty that is Blue’s Room.
• The Backyardigans (Nickelodeon/Noggin) Quite possibly my favorite of the bunch, The Backyardigans features the adventures of Tyrone, Uniqua, Pablo, Tasha and Austin as they create imaginary worlds in their backyards. Each episode features several songs (showcasing a particular musical style), many of which are very clever and catchy, some of which are earworms, getting into my head for hours (or even days) at a time. “Racing Day” and “Mystery Lifeguard” both fall into this latter category.
• Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! (Nickelodeon/Noggin) Another of my favorites has become one of Kyle’s favorites, too, much to Laura’s dismay. Wubbzy is a frenetic, furry, fun-loving critter (voiced by Grey DeLisle, who also voiced The Wasp in the recent Ultimate Avengers animated movies) who loves his kickety-kickball. Widget (Lara Jill Miller, who played Sam on Gimme A Break!) is Wubbzy’s bunny(like) industrious inventor friend, always building some fantastic machine (“The Sun-Blocker 3000!“) that doesn’t quite work as she expected. Walden (voiced by the incredible Carlos Alazraqui, who plays Deputy Garcia on Reno 911! and was the voice of the Taco Bell chihuahua as well as Rocko on Rocko’s Modern Life) “is their friend, he’s really smart; he knows about science and books and art”. He’s also the most level-headed of the three, though he has been known to cut loose from time to time. The show is Flash-animated and has an artistic style that appeals to me for some reason. I also like the music.
• Wonder Pets! (Nickelodeon/Noggin) If there’s a show I wish Kyle would just suddenly decide to stop liking, it’s Wonder Pets! I’ve already discussed my feelings about the show in some detail, so there’s really no need to get into it now.
• Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go! (Nickelodeon/Noggin) These two get lumped together because they’re cousins and—like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report—the latter is a spin-off of the former. I’m not sure which Latin American country these two precocious youths live in, but they both have an unusual rapport with animals and an amazing satchel: Dora’s backpack is actually a Bag of Holding, while Diego’s Rescue Pack (“¡Al rescate!“) has some sort of polymorph spell cast upon it.

Movies

Most of these were recorded during our free Showtime/The Movie Channel weekend. That I stooped to recording Cyborg 2 should give you an idea about the quality of fare offered on Showtime and The Movie Channel. Suicide Kings and The Prophecy were played back-to-back on IFC during a recent Christopher Walken mini-marathon.

• Suicide Kings
• The Prophecy
• The Man Who Cried
• Employee of the Month
• Cyborg 2
• The Man Who Fell to Earth
• The Descent
• Capote
• The World’s Fastest Indian

More Movies

Fresh from the free Showtime weekend, DirecTV is dishing up another four days of premium channel goodness starting on Thursday, 20 March. This time it’s HBO and CineMAX, and a quick glance at the schedule for Thursday and early Friday reveals several movies that I’d like to see:

• John Adams
• Notes on a Scandal
• The Last King of Scotland
• Fracture
• The Good Shepherd

1. Okay, they still are, but The Vulture and Electro have both gotten a much-needed makeover [back]
2. To paraphrase B.A. Baracus: Prime don’t have no mouth, Hannibal! [back]
3. I should point out that classic Soundwave is cool in robot mode. Alas, he transforms into a boombox from which a number of transforming cassette tapes—including Ravage, Laserbeak and Ratbat, who turn into a panther, a condor and a bat, respectively—are launched. This is decidedly not cool. [back]
4. Okay, a word about the Dinobots: who are these guys supposed to be fooling? They transform from giant robots to giant dinosaurs! Dinosaurs that look like giant robots! Props to Transformers Animated for actually creating a semi-feasible plot around their introduction (as animatronic dino-beasties in a theme park). [back]
5. Sam Waterston’s voice is like warm milk to her, I guess. To me, he sounds forever on the hormonal rollercoaster that is the onset of puberty. [back]
6. Worst theme song ever? Firefly. Oh yeah, I went there. Bring it, browncoats! [back]

Posted March 13, 2008 Comments(11)