I've been so busy not updating my blog that I completely neglected to mention another short story I narrated for Pseudopod, the Sound of Horror. This one is "Association," a zombie tale by Eddie Borey. Before you rush over to listen, I would remind you that Pseudopod is intended for mature audiences and that dead things rot. A lot.
A complete list of the horrific tales I've narrated for Pseudopod is presented (in reverse chronological order) below.
- "Association" by Eddie Borey (Episode 233)
- "Is This a Horror Story?" by Scott Edelman (Episode 206)
- "Wearing the Dead" by Alan Smale (Episode 190)
- "The Sultan of Meat" by James B. Pepe (Episode 170)
- "Orifice" by John F. D. Taff (Episode 147)
- "The Duel" by James Michael MacFarland (Episode 135)
- "In the Coils of the Serpent" by William Meikle (Episode 109)
- "Among the Moabites" by Michael Hartford (Episode 98)
- "Blood, Gridlock and PEZ" by Kevin Anderson (Episode 73)
- "The Heart of Tu'a Halaita" by Tara Kolden (Episode 60)
- "Hell's Daycare" by D. Richard Pearce (Episode 38)
I don't have any particular aversion to needles, but I don't feel any desire whatsoever to submit myself willingly to the tender mercies of what passes for a brush in the hands of a tattoo artist. I have my reasons, at least one of which is that I don't trust my body to leave a tattoo where the artist puts it. The last thing I want is a faded sketch of a crippled stork on my hip that began its sad life as an awesome dragon on my shoulder.
In "Orifice", author John F.D. Taff posits (through his narrator's girlfriend) that any time you poke a hole in something, there are things that will want to get in or out through that hole. And what are tattoos if not hundreds—perhaps thousands—of tiny holes?
A word of caution: This story contains adult language, adult situations, and holes where they ought not be.
Episode 135 of Pseudopod features "The Duel", by Michael James McFarland, a tale of fraternity, brotherhood, time-honored tradition, upper-class twits and firearms. I think we've probably all had a friend who was mad at us, seemingly for no reason at all. Be glad they didn't take the Burr/Hamilton tack when resolving whatever wrong we may have inadvertently done them.
Want to know how long it's taken P.G. Holyfield to complete the audio version of his novel, Murder at Avedon Hill? Let me put it this way: I do one of the voices in the podcast novel and partway through the process I had to re-record all of my lines because puberty hit and my voice broke.
Yes, it's been a long time coming.1
But persistence (on the part of Holyfield) and patience (on the part of his 13,000+ fans) has certainly paid off. Yesterday, P.G. announced that Murder at Avedon Hill has been picked up by Dragon Moon Press and will be published late this year.
Here's a snippet from the official press release:
“With what he’s done with his podcast, P.G Holyfield was on our radar,” notes Gwen Gades, publisher at Dragon Moon Press. “But fans tracking down a publisher to request the print version of the novel? We had to move on that.”
Now, I'm not one to encourage what amounts to stalking, but I suppose there are worse things a publisher could say about an author than "his fans demanded that we publish the book."
Murder at Avedon Hill: A Land of Caern Novel tells the story of Arames Kragen, a monk who finds himself on the hunt for a killer in the town of Avedon Hill. Young Gretta Platt, Housemistress of Avedon Manor has been murdered, and Arames must bring her killer to justice before Lord Avedon will allow the monk access to the only pass through the Lantis Mountains. Solving the murder is challenge enough, but Caern is a world where gods walk among mortals and fantastical creatures are often more than the stuff of fairy tale and legend. Arames Kragen will need all his wits about him to find the killer...or even just to survive.
- At the time of this writing, it's still a long time coming, as there are two episodes yet to be released. [↩]
Episode 109 of Pseudopod features the story "In the Coils of the Serpent" by Scottish author William Meikle. I make a point of noting the author's country of origin because there is not only an ocean between that country and the one in which I was born, but also at least one accent. If you've ever heard me "do" a Scottish accent, you'll understand why I narrated this story without one.
"In the Coils of the Serpent" is a detective story of sorts. A murder mystery that takes an unusual turn on the twisted path to the truth and winds up somewhere ancient and evil.
A word of caution: if you're the sort who's bothered by words like "clitoris", I've probably just offended you. Also, you may not wish to listen to this particular story; at least not the first sentence.
In the dead of night, while all the world slumbered and creatures of unspeakable horror stirred beneath billions of beds, the latest episode of Pseudopod, The Sound of Horror, emerged from its glistening cocoon. Go, now, and listen to Among the Moabites by Michael Hartford, a tale of unexpected visitors and a little voyeurism. (Caution: Pseudopod is intended for mature audiences.)
You may have heard rumors that I am presently attending the Origins Game Fair in Columbus, Ohio. I can now confirm that this is (as of this writing), absolutely true.
You may also have heard rumors concerning the absence of one Mr. Ken Newquist and whether or not Mur Lafferty was somehow responsible. Though I cannot say with absolute certainty that this has no basis in fact, I have reason to believe that it is patently untrue.
Finally, there is another dubious assertion that Cmar, M.D. goes around wearing a prosthetic noggin so as to appear taller than four feet and two inches, and that he uses a complex periscopic device to look down upon those around him through eerie, ever-staring artificial eyes. Is this true? I don't know, but having spent considerable time with the man yesterday I have come to the conclusion that it could go either way.
If you were under the impression that the rumor of the doctor's false head was the last of the bunch, then I'm afraid you were deceived. It is unwise to believe everything you read on these Internets, even on this very blog. Here is the true final rumor of the moment, one I can happily assure you is one hundred per cent accurate and true: Natalie Metzger, known in some circles as The Fuzzy Slug and in other circles largely overlapping the first as minitotoro, has released the first episode of her fantastical new podcast, Radio Isopod. You would do well to listen to it; you might even recognize a voice or two.
While you do that, I shall remain at Origins, attempting to substantiate or disprove the scurrilous scuttlebutt as I become aware of it. At some point, I expect there will be photographs.
Big things are happening over at The Secret Lair. Yeah, there's another movie episode, but more impressive than a couple of geeks blathering on about Night Watch and Justice League: The New Frontier is the new masthead1 on the website. Designed by Natalie Metzger, the Lair's official Secretary of Artistic Propaganda, the graphic features a skull-topped mountain looming large in front of the Cleveland, Ohio skyline at dusk, its stony eye sockets glowing malevolently as the masterminds and minions who call the craggy cranium their base of operations toil within the mysterious chambers hidden deep within.
So visit the site. Download the newest episode. And if you know what's good for you, tell Natalie how truly magnificent the new masthead is, or the next time you see those glowing eyes it will be in the company of one of our Retrieval Squads.
- Call it a banner, if you prefer, or even a logo; your fancy words don't detract from the sheer coolness of the thing. [↩]
Right after the Great Christmas Vacation of 2007, I narrated another story for the horror podcast, Pseudopod. The story, which appeared on the site this morning as Episode 73 of the podcast, is Blood, Gridlock and PEZ by Kevin Anderson. Of the three stories I've read for Pseudopod thus far I think this one may be my favorite, though I did like Tara Kolden's The Heart of Tu'a Halaita quite a lot.