KJToo

Though I don’t consider myself a hardcore fan, I am at least somewhat familiar with all previous incarnations of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I’ve read all five books, played the PC text-adventure, watched the television series, and used to listen to the radio version about once a year (and still would, if I had it on CD instead of cassette).

The versions are all different and all brimming with Adams’ unique sense of humor. Whatever he changed to suit each new medium, Adams always managed to keep the story smart, original and hilariously funny. It’s no surprise, then, that Adams’ script for the new big screen retelling would have new characters, locations and situations. The core elements remain, the ultimate quest is preserved, but — as with previous iterations — some of the particulars regarding the journey have changed.

Unfortunately, one core element seems to be largely missing: Douglas Adams’ quirky, intelligent humor. Somewhere in the midst of a sea of fairly impressive visual effects (the Magrathean factory floor is especially memorable), that eccentric, surreal wit is all but lost. The only remnants are familiar scenes that elicit a chuckle not on their own merits, but because I remember other, superior versions.

The movie falls flat on almost every front. The characters have very little depth (except for Bill Nighy’s surprisingly touching portrayal of Slarty Bartfast), the comic rhythm is off, and the new material simply doesn’t measure up to the old.

Ford Prefect and Trillian are nearly invisible for the bulk of the movie. Marvin the Paranoid Android is only spared from fading into the background by his gargatuan head and one of the best casting decisions in the film. Zaphod Beeblebrox is loud and boisterous, which is probably about as much as one could expect. And poor Arthur Dent is simply there. His quest for a decent cup of tea is so downplayed as to be inconsequential, and the love story between him and Trillian is like Splenda: artificially sweet.

I wanted to like Hitchhiker’s, I really did. I’ve enjoyed every other incarnation of the story, even the incredibly cheesy (but still very funny) BBC television series. Unfortunately, the movie turned out to be a huge letdown. It’s a mixture of old and new that manages to lose the charm of the old and fails to introduce anything exciting in the new.

Having spent nearly 2⁵ years on your planet, one might expect me to have outgrown such things as the Darth Vader Voice Changer Mask.

One would be quite mistaken, for the mask can be adjusted to fit even my enormous skull, a fact I was delighted to learn when Miscellaneous G™ presented the mask to me as a gift yesterday. I can even, with a bit of careful maneuvering, fit the mask over my glasses. This is a good thing, as I have no desire to get contacts again. I look like a dork in contacts.

What follows is a summary of the Dungeons & Dragons campaign that wrapped up last night. It is nerdity at its most rampant.
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A couple of years ago, someone at work decided it would be a good idea to form a Fun Committee. This group, comprised of representatives from various departments in our building, organizes events such as sleigh rides, baseball games, picnics, bowling, a regular blood drive and monthly contests to win a parking spot in the underground garage.

With the exception of the blood drive, I do not participate in Fun Committee events.

Why? Well, maybe I’m just cantankerous. Maybe I hate fun. Or maybe I’m very selective about my leisure time and with whom I spend it. I have my reasons.

Last night, the Fun Committee sponsored an evening at a local bowling alley. I’m told there was karaoke in addition to the bowling. Karaoke inevitably leads to people making spectacles of themselves, especially when (as is usually the case) there is alcohol involved. I’ve heard that the inevitable spectacle occurred, but two of my male co-workers singing “Islands in the Stream” isn’t really what this story is about.

The bowler with the lowest score was given a certificate (as, I’m sure, was the bowler with the highest score). Specifically, the bowler with the lowest score was given the Kris Johnson Award. That’s right, I am so notorious that even when I am not present, my influence is felt.

The recipient of the Kris Johnson Award came to me this morning to have her certificate signed and for the obligatory handshake pictures. She was appropriately awe-struck and deferential, and I was only too happy to sign the certificate. I was somewhat disappointed that the designer of said certificate hadn’t had the foresight to include the appropriate signature line.

I’ve been carrying my iPod back and forth to work in the inside pocket of my jacket, which is not an ideal solution. During last week’s warm spell, I left the jacket at home and carried the iPod in a pants pocket. Even worse. In the few months since I got it, I’m afraid that the screen and case are showing some noticeable scuffs. I’m told that Brasso will do an excellent job of removing those, but to prevent further scuffing (and because I am an incredible clutz) I broke down and bought an iPod holster.

Initially, I wanted to go with a leather holster, but most of the ones I looked at didn’t do the trick. They used flimsy plastic to “protect” the screen and the iPod just didn’t seem to fit very well. The hole in the plastic designed to provide access to the clickwheel didn’t line up properly, despite the fact that the holsters were allegedly designed for 4G iPods.

I was about to settle for some kind of sporty gizmo (complete with wrist/arm strap) when I came across the Contour Showcase.

This thing is fantastic. It has a rubberized shell, a formidable clear plastic front and a beveled clickwheel opening that lines up perfectly. The removable belt clip is reversible, so the iPod can be worn on either side. Unlike many other holsters I looked at, it mounts the iPod horizontally rather than vertically, which makes it much less intrusive when clipped to my belt. Of course, it has the standard access openings at top and bottom for headphone jack and synchronization port. The whole thing feels incredibly solid, yet it’s very easy to get the iPod in and out of the holster. Well worth the thirty bucks, in my opinion.