• How Not To Grow A Beard: Day 25


    I’m about to head out the door to record my final Volcanicast of 2007. The show will continue through the end of the year, but I’ll be sitting out due to contract negotiations my Month of Radio Silence, or what Chris Miller calls the Great Information Detox. Just because I won’t be co-hosting the show doesn’t mean I won’t be listening; I listen to every episode, whether I’m on it or not. 1If I’m on an episode, I listen to it twice. That’s right, I love the sound of my own voice that much.

    Today’s HoNoToGroABeMo photo is me pretty much straight out of the shower. As the end of November approaches, I’m realizing that my beard is, indeed, great…provided I’m going for that scraggly, uneven Unabomber-meets-Charles-Manson look. Yeah, I’ll be shaving it off come December unless something miraculous happens, like a blood transfusion from Sam Elliott granting me mutant beard-growing powers or perhaps being bitten by a radioactive member of ZZ Top.

    1 If I’m on an episode, I listen to it twice. That’s right, I love the sound of my own voice that much.
  • VolcanicastIf you’ve ever gazed into the night sky pondering the mysteries of the universe and wondering whether man’s presence in that great expansive void is due to sheer chance and lucky scientific coincidence or the guiding hand of an all-seeing, all-knowing overbeing, the Volcanicast isn’t going to do jack to help you. On the other hand, if you’ve ever gazed into the liquid crystal display of your laptop and wondered what the hell people are searching for on The Google, Volcanicast is right up your shallow alley!

    This week’s topics: The Cleveland Indians ally with Canada to defeat the damn Yankees, Big Moe is a Big Jerk, Sputnik is golden, when backslashes roamed the Earth, fun with fifth graders and uh-oh! Friday is your day in the barrel!

  • VolcanicastAh, yes, it’s another episode of the show that delves into the murky depths of Google trends and presents the hottest search terms for the past seven days. This week: reality TV, reality TV and more reality TV, Kenya again, Brazilian models without freckles, and your nose (it always knows!).

    Volcanicast is for mature audiences, and I mean it this time. Seriously, it’s the most offensive episode ever.

  • Podcast: Volcanicast presents Tangentcast #1


    VolcanicastI’ve heard rumors that a bonus episode of Volcanicast has found its way onto these very Internets. The episode is comprised entirely of tangents, rare conversational digressions that we explored while discussing the most popular Google search terms of the past week.

    During post-production, our stalwart editor opted to omit these nuggets of off-topic banter in order to trim the show from its original recorded length of nearly three hours to just over two. Recognizing that relegating these tasty tidbits to the trash would constitute a terrible travesty—and perhaps just a little gun-shy about deleting audio after an unfortunate keystroke led to the recent destruction of an entire episode—said editor has assembled a bonus “Tangentcast” and released it for your listening pleasure.

    If you’re subscribed to the Volcanicast, your podcatcher has almost certainly ensnared this bonus episode and is patiently holding it for you. If you are not subscribed, you should add the feed to your favorite podcatcher and try not to salivate with anticipation during the download.

    If you are the type who shuns catchers of pod, you can either visit the Volcanicast site and listen with the embedded player or download the episode directly. The point is that we want to make listening to the show easy and enjoyable for everyone; we care that much.

  • Volcanicast is the show where hosts Wesley, Bob and yours truly discuss the most popular Google search terms of the past week. The Internets were very curious about a lot of stuff over the past week, resulting in our longest show to date.

    This week: the environment, the economy, lawyers who shouldn’t sue us, elaborate suicide methods (successful and otherwise), bad Irish accents, and the quiet time between intimate moments.

    Volcanicast is intended for mature audiences, but we listen to it anyway.

  • Weekend Wrap-up: 15-16 September 2007


    I haven’t done one of these in a while. Here’s what went on in and around the International House of Johnson this past weekend:

    • I started cleaning my office on Saturday. Unlike previous efforts, I did take a “before” photo, which I will post along with the “after” photo when I eventually finish.
    • After messing around with Firefox in Kubuntu for several hours, I finally got everything running properly, including the Foxmarks and Greasemonkey plug-ins.
    • I watched Doctor Strange: The Sorcerer Supreme, the latest animated movie from Marvel Entertainment and Lionsgate. Though I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a Doctor Strange fan, I enjoyed the movie quite a lot. The concept of the ninja-magician doesn’t really hold to the classic Marvel version of Strange, but I liked it.
    • I played a bit of No One Lives Forever 2: A Spy in H.A.R.M.’s Way Saturday night. I managed to escape the tornado-threatened trailer park in Akron and am now infiltrating the H.A.R.M. base in Calcutta; or would be, if I could get past the stinkin’ guards.
    • Kyle and I watched Elmo’s Potty Time and Elmo in Grouchland: Sing and Play Sunday morning. I have to give Roscoe Orman (Gordon) a lot of credit for keeping a straight face when discussing the linguistic nuances of pee and poop with Elmo and Baby Bear.
    • Laura, Kyle and I had an early dinner at The Cheesecake Factory on Sunday. I should not have ordered the appetizer, as I only ate half of my Cuban sandwich and my three-berry cheesecake is (if Laura knows what’s good for her) sitting in the fridge, uneaten.
    • Wesley, Bob, Chris and I recorded another episode of Volcanicast Sunday night. We had a blast, but Wesley’s got a hell of an editing job ahead of him if he’s going to get the show down to 90 minutes.
  • Podcast: Volcanicast for week ending 25 August 2007


    If you’re curious about what people have been searching for on the Google, you should visit Google’s hot trends website. If you want to hear three guys talking about what people have been searching for, you should listen to Volcanicast. It’s just that simple.

    This week: (Donkey) Kong, the 8,328th Wonder of the World; yes, we call this archaeology; Lifetime, Television for Women; supermersibles and Weekend at Fidel’s.

    Volcanicast is intended for mature audiences. Because diplomacy is what we wrap our bombs in.

  • Podcast: Volcanicast for week ending 17 August 2007


    Due to an unfortunate technical snag, there is no evidence that Wesley, Bob, Chris and I gathered in Planet Retcon Radio Studio 1C for three long, arduous and, yes, heartbreaking hours last night to discuss the volcanic Google searches for the past week.

    It might have been (with the aid of extensive editing and a Sherpa guide) the best episode of Volcanicast ever almost committed to ones and zeros. Alas, the world will never know.

    On the bright side, we probably won’t be sued by PURE.This week.

    I think it’s safe to say that a valuable lesson has been learned.

    Just not by me.

  • Volcanicast is a weekly roundup of the search terms Google ranks “Volcanic” on their trends site. We don’t guarantee that our discussion of the search terms will be informative, insightful or even intelligent, but we do guarantee that we’ll at least mention each of the “Volcanic” terms on a given day.

    If you haven’t checked out last week’s episode (because I forgot to announce it), there’s a download link below. Chris Miller and I were unable to co-host, but Bob and Wesley brought in a very special guest host: Alaska senator Ted “A series of tubes” Stevens! Topics covered included Winnie Cooper, the unfortunate passing of radio host Tom Snyder, ice cubes you won’t find in your freezer, and the usual roundup of song lyric game shows and other natural disasters.

    In this week’s show, we’re at full power again. That’s right, the Fantastic Four are back in front of the microphones with seven days of scintillating search terms! On deck this week: 50-foot free falls, Denzel Washington, pin-up girls, pharmaceutically-assisted home runs, teachers in space and four grown men drooling over Anne Hathaway.

    Volcanicast is intended for mature audiences. Because mommy and daddy use bad language when they fight.

  • Podcast: Volcanicast for week ending 28 July 2007


    Four hosts! Seven days of Google searches! In this episode, we discuss presidential hopefuls, undead linebackers, Lohan shenanigans, things that go boom and a whole lot more.

    Volcanicast is intended for mature audiences. Oh, the irony.